15 Best George Carlin Routines

Most celebrity deaths trigger mixed reflections on the celeb's career and how history will remember them. But when it comes to George Carlin, the verdict is virtually unanimous. His status as one of the world's greatest comedians is secure beyond doubt. That being the case, the only thing left for Carlin's legion of fans to do is celebrate his many timeless jokes! With no further delay, here are 15 of the best George Carlin skits on YouTube.

1) One of Carlin's first claims to fame was his classic "7 Words You Can't Say on Television." In the many years since, the routine has been referenced in numerous movies, parodied by shows like South Park, and even used as the centerpiece of a prank on That 70's Show. Carlin's die-hard and casual fans would both agree: if a Book of the Universe is ever written, this timeless routine would have to be included!



2) Coming in at a close second is the "religion is bullshit" routine. With unforgettable one-liners like "He loves you, and he needs money!" and suggestions to worship the sun because there are "no songs to learn", Carlin managed to craft one of the most light hearted yet serious critiques of religion ever! Any open-minded person is sure to come away from this one in a side-splitting fit of laughs.



3) For most of the Western world, the 10 Commandments are an unimpeachable symbol of ethical purity and moral character. For George Carlin, they were just fodder for one of the funniest comedy routines you're likely to find! Over the course of six and a half side-splitting minutes, Carlin hillariously dissects the 10 Commandments and ultimately pares them down to just two. This is one Carlin skit you don't want to miss!



4) Another oft-quoted Carlin routine is is "George Carlin on Death." In it, the late comedian lays out "that conversation" everyone has when someone dies and wittily illustrates why all the hackneyed cliches and euphemisms is really just ridiculous banter that doesn't add anything comforting to the situation.



5) Anyone who has ever cynically remarked on the sad state of American politics will find a hearty laugh in this skit. In his skit "Voting", Carlin points out that politicians only suck because the public from which they come sucks even worse. After elaborating to roaring laughter and applause, Carlin suggests a new public saying to rally the hopes and dreams of cynical Americans everywhere:

"The public sucks, fuck hope!"



6) Another gem from the Carlin archives is "Rules", a 1976 performance from the Tony Orlando and Dawn Rainbow Hour. In it, Carlin pokes fun at widely accepted but rarely questioned rules like "no singing at the table" and the ever-popular justification for arbitrary rules: "because I said so." Anyone who has ever been puzzled by the bevvy of seemingly pointless yet insisted upon rules in today's world will find great humor in this one!



7) Many of us have at one time or another decried American materialism and the importatnce people place upon their "stuff." But no one has ever said it quite so humorously and memorably as Carlin in this skit. Perhaps the most unforgettable line from this one is "Ever notice how other people's stuff is shit, and your shit is stuff?"



8) In this clip, Carlin takes the worrymongers of the world to task, decrying the throngs of people who worry about everything: the air, the climate, the trees, the whales, the children. Carlin points out that "over 90% of the species that ever lived on this planet are gone", comedically arguing that people who constantly worry about human interference in nature should really just relax and let the world take its course.



9) Sports fanatics aren't always huge comedy buffs, but the typical fan would hard-pressed to watch this skit without breaking into smiles and letting out a hearty bellow! Baseball and football fans alike will appreciate Carlin's characterization of each sport. Baseball is portrayed as a happy go lucky sport focused on good times while football is seen as a violent contest to be waged by warriors and soldiers. No matter which sport you swear by, this one is sure to give you something to talk about with with your buddies at the office!



10) Since 9/11, it's been tough to find anyone who isn't fed up with airport security. But common as commercial flight complainers may be, few of them criticize the agonizing inconvenience of airport delays with the flair and gusto of George Carlin. Here's one savory line from the act:

"I'm tired of some guy with a double digit IQ and a triple digit income rooting around inside of my bag for no reason and never finding anything!"



11) Obesity might be an epidemic in the United States, but in the world of comedy it's another source of jokes and laughs. In this barbed attack on "crazy fat people", Carlin lambasts the popular obsession with malls, compulsive eating, and "huge piles of redundant protoplasm." If you're not overly sensitive to foul language and the targeting of obese people, this clip will have you laughing for hours!

"Dear Jesus, Lord and protector of all that is good and holy, deliver me from fat people in short pants."



12) In his routine "We Like War", Carlin harps on the double-standard of Americans who both condemn and passionately support going to war. Among his comedic examples are how we started as a nation of slaves and called our bloodiest internal conflict a "Civil War." He also notes our many internal "wars" on drugs and poverty and the fact that we have the only national anthem with references to rockets and bombs in it. But Carlin saves his true wrath for the puzzling phenomenon of Civil War reanactment events, offering this timeless line:

"There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition, assholes! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!"



13) This routine finds Carlin remarking on the repetitive irriation of everyone you interact with insisting that you "have a nice day." While you might wonder how anyone could possibly find fault with such an innocent gesture, you just might be singing a different tune by the end of this one!

"Maybe I've had 116 nice days in a row and I'm ready for a crappy day! There's no planning involved for a crappy day. Just get up!"



14) If you've ever gotten fed up with feminists or self-important groups of any kind, George's "Pissing Off The Feminists" will enflame your passions to new levels! Listen with delight as Carlin spouts off one incendiary remark after the next, raising the blood pressure and laughter volume of everyone in tthe sold out capacity crowd. Just be careful not to emulate too many of these one-liners in your daily conversations around tthe water cooler!



15) Rounding out our posthumous celebration of Carlin's greatest routines is this epic collection. This full 70 minute recording of "Life is Worth Losing" is widely considered to be Carlin's magnum opus, encompassing some of the funniest and most widely quoted jokes, parodies, and one-liners in his repritoire. Carlin fans new and old will find much to like and more laughs than they know what to do with in this legendary sketch, so sit back, grab a bowl of popcorn and let the good times roll!