Click EasyEdit to add your favorite sports jokes.


I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. (Rodney Dangerfield)


In football you wear a helmet; in baseball you wear a cap. Football is concerned with downs; baseball is concerned with ups. In football you receive a penalty; in baseball you make an error. In football the specialist comes in to kick; in baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody. (George Carlin)


There's always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says, "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. (Larry Miller)

Mario Andretti has retired from racecar driving. That's a good thing. He's getting old. He ran his entire last race with his left blinker on. (John Stewart)

Horse racing... now here's something idiotic. I have no idea which horse is gonna win. I don't even think the horses know they're racing. It's not like they're going back to the barn going "I was first" "I was second"...you cut me off there, watch that, next time I'll kick your ass." I'll tell you one thing the horses don't know--that if they fall and break their leg, we're gonna blow their brains out. I think they're missing that vital piece of information... if they did know, you'd see some mighty careful stepping going down that backstretch. (Jerry Seinfeld)



The Olympics is really my favorite sporting event. Although I think I have a problem with that silver medal. 'Cause when you think about it, you win the gold-you feel good, you win the bronze-you think "Well at least I got something." But when you win that silver it's like "Congratulations, you ‘almost’ won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You're the number one ‘loser.’ No one lost ahead of you!" (Jerry Seinfeld)