Jokes About Women

What do you call the useless flesh around the vagina? The woman.

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
(Adam Ferrara)

What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the crap out of you.

Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)

Jokes About Men

The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. (Margo Kaufman)

You wanna hear my personal opinion on prostitution? If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. (Roseanne)

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "Hello! Is there anyone here?!" Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away... "We're down here."