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Sexist Jokes About Women |
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**Since cupcakemaster is an easily offended dick, here are your jokes back**
Want to hear a funny joke?
Womens Rights
Why can't women drive?
Because there's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, somebody already told her twice
Q: Why did God make women?
A: You think he's gonna wash the dishes? Aw HAYELL Naw!
Q: How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?
A: When the old one expects you to "do your share"
Q: What do you call a woman with pigtails?
A: A ******* with handlebars!
Q: How long does it take for a man to make dinner?
A: As long as it takes for him to get out the belt!
You think men have it easy? You're dead wrong, they have to work up a sweat to keep taking out the belt and putting it back in again.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: trick question, feminists can't change anything!
Q:Why does every man need a woman?
A:Because the dishes would get to piled up without one.
Edit: Pwned'
Question: What is the difference between a woman and a catfish?
Answer: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
A jogger is running along one morning when he hears crying. He slows down and sees an armless, legless woman sitting at a table bawling. Heart heavy, he walks over and asks her what the problem is. Sniffling, she says, "I've never been hugged before.." The jogger leans over, hugs her, and smiles as he takes off. The next day the cripple is still there, crying again. The jogger slows down and asks her what the matter is this time. She leans over and wipes her snotty nose on the table and says, "I've never been kissed before.." The man leans over and lays a wet one on her cheek. He jogs off, waving bye to her smiling face. The next day, he jogs up and shes crying her eyes out yet again. The jogger runs over and asks her "what now?" The bleary-eyed woman looks up and says, "I've never been OWNED before.." The man bends over, picks her up, and chucks her into a pool and calls, "Now your OWNED!"
Edit: The feminists "BAWWWWW'd" trying to edit this, while the men celebrated over a cold-one!
Women...
HOW can you trust anything that has two B U T T H O L E S, broke its own d i c k off, won't leave yours alone, says the exact opposite of what it means, and bleeds for a week every month and still lives??
Edit: (Yet another feminists failure edit...GET~BACK~TO~THE~KITCHEN!)
Why don't women talk to men every time they're in public?
You're not supposed to tell the answer to people who experience this, dumb ass! Don't you see them with boyfriends everywhere?
Why do women not offer sex all the time?
Because there's no pay involved.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because not only do most women oppose minorities reproducing, but the government does as well. Illegal immigrant, "official customers".
How do you know women are racist?
Because there are still people who have been in Africa their whole life, called African Americans.
Why don't women talk to other customers at restaurants?
Because men aren't women, dumb ass, they ugly pieces of ****.
Why aren't women's genius fully appreciated?
Because they fail to offer themselves to us.
What's the difference between our appreciation of men, and women?
There's actually a demand for the women.
Why do Men like to see lesbians make Out?
A: Because then they will leave us alone and we can order Pizza!
Why does a man like to see two women kiss each other?
Two less mouths that are not talking.
How do you know you're truely gay?
Because you have the average male sex drive, and expect to satisfy it.
Emo men are apparently women's saviors. If it seems like they can still appreciate other women, they wonder if emo boys are women.
Over time girl's mature into socially adept adults. The only fear they have is approaching men for children. Sex is one thing.
Why did the woman cross the road?
To go to the grocery store, idiot. Get your mind outta the gutter, were you thinking to give you her number?
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
-Nothing, you already told her twice.
Edit: DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead just bought bought a car. Which one drives it first?
None, they're all in the kitchen.
Whats does your wife and a condom have in common?
They both spend 99% of their time in your wallet
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Female Sexist Joke Forum
Sign into this wiki and click EasyEdit to add your favorite female sexist jokes.Yo' mama'snot watching, so why not? If you want get your sexist battle on, readsexist jokes about menfor inspiration, or check our thedumb blonde jokes.DISREGARD THE JOKE THAT WAS HERE, I SUCK C O C K S
What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
The NO-U damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Edit: get raep u all and raep=raep moar IMMA FIREIN MI LAZER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
RICK ROLLED!!!
The NO-U damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Edit: get raep u all and raep=raep moar IMMA FIREIN MI LAZER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
RICK ROLLED!!!
Why did God make woman last?
He didn't want someone telling him what to do.
Edit: THIS JOKE IS PERFECT DON'T MESS WITH IT
Edit: THIS JOKE IS PERFECT DON'T MESS WITH IT
Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!
Edit: So they can get a new dress for the funeral. (We found out he later 'Chris Brown'd' her to death...all their good for of course)
Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman
Edit: (WHITES-43, BLACKS-1, WOMEN 0!)
Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.
Edit:[s]Nothing! The dog will be going home with your ex-wife once the papers are signed.[/s](DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK C O C K S!)
What is the difference between a battery and a penis?
[s]A man knows how to put both in, and this was my failed attempt at a man joke.[/s] (DISREGARD ME, I SUCK C O C K S!)
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.
Edit: GET A LONGER CHAIN!.
What's better than a woman cooking in the kitchen?
Edit: so they leave men alone and we can just order a Pizza.
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank **** for that i thought i had gone deaf!"
Edit: MAN FTW!
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Edit: Wait, better question, DISREGARD THAT, WE ALL SUCK C O C K S!
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
Edit: SUCCESSFUL EDIT IS SUCCESSFUL
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Edit: ANOTHER FAIL WOMAN EDIT!! SUCCESSFUL MAN TROLL IS SUCCESSFUL
Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Edit: ~~~***!!!DO NOT WANT!!!***~~~
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Edit: Typical P'wnage
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
Edit: Again, Typical P'wnage
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
Edit: IT BETTER BE!
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
Edit: GET IT? B'CUZ THEY ARE FAT AND ALWAYS EAT CHOCOLATE!...GET IT? HUH? HUH? (successful troll is successful)
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
(someone no body cares about)
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Edit: underage n' el'preggo (TYPICAL!).
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Edit: (nobody cares let's watch football).
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
Edit: Men-1 Women-0.
Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them.(someone else nobody cares about)
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.
Edit: (Then, hit her again, then again, then again....after, rinse and repeat, always repeat..).
Wanna hear a funny joke?
I saw a woman actually out of the kitchen today.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
Edit: (just incase she didn't get it the first two times, you tell her two more times).
GOD EXISTS, DEAL WITH IT! (OWNED) O_O
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.
Edit: (that's what i said earlier,~~~~~> OWNED)
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank **** for that i thought i had gone deaf!"
Edit: MAN FTW!
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Edit: Wait, better question, DISREGARD THAT, WE ALL SUCK C O C K S!
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
Edit: SUCCESSFUL EDIT IS SUCCESSFUL
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Edit: ANOTHER FAIL WOMAN EDIT!! SUCCESSFUL MAN TROLL IS SUCCESSFUL
Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Edit: ~~~***!!!DO NOT WANT!!!***~~~
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Edit: Typical P'wnage
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
Edit: Again, Typical P'wnage
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
Edit: IT BETTER BE!
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
Edit: GET IT? B'CUZ THEY ARE FAT AND ALWAYS EAT CHOCOLATE!...GET IT? HUH? HUH? (successful troll is successful)
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
(someone no body cares about)
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
Edit: underage n' el'preggo (TYPICAL!).
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Edit: (nobody cares let's watch football).
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
Edit: Men-1 Women-0.
Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them.(someone else nobody cares about)
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.
Edit: (Then, hit her again, then again, then again....after, rinse and repeat, always repeat..).
Wanna hear a funny joke?
I saw a woman actually out of the kitchen today.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
Edit: (just incase she didn't get it the first two times, you tell her two more times).
GOD EXISTS, DEAL WITH IT! (OWNED) O_O
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.
Edit: (that's what i said earlier,~~~~~> OWNED)
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard
Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack can lick jills fanny,he got a shock and a mouthful ****. because jills a pre-op tranny (WOMAN FAILURE EDIT FAILZ)Why do women live longer than men?
(They don't, they all have breast cancer!)
How do you get a woman dizzy?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
Edit: (there once was a fatty who said get her a vibrator, of course she says that, but anyway, DISREGARD YOUR EDIT, YOU SUCK C O C K S!)
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Edit: NUFF SAID! PREACH BROTHA!
WOMEN FAIL SITE FAILZ! MEN PREVAILZ! LOL RHYME ^^
how many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none she can cook in the dark
Edit: none, you all are stupid O_O
What does a woman and a tampon have in common?
They're both stuck up B I T C H E S.
What do you call a woman out of the kitchen in somecountries?
Illegal.
Edit: PWNED
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.How do you p*ss off a female archaeologist??
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there.How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
