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Sep 19 2008, 2:55 PM EDT katia2525 533 words added, 1 photo added
Sep 19 2008, 2:51 PM EDT katia2525

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Bill Maher Jokes


Obama was talking about McCain's policies. He said: 'You cannot put lipstick on a pig. If you do, it's still a pig.' This was supposed to describe McCain's policies; McCain said he was actually talking about Sarah Palin. Which is very unfair, because pigs are smart. They don't believe in creationism. And by the way, memo to all the geniuses who took it this way: it's called a metaphor.

Oh, and she's got jokes. She had jokes. She said, 'What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.' Also, you can neuter a pit bull.

And how about the other woman at the convention? How about the new star of the Republican party, Ms. Sarah Palin? Wow. The media loves her. The headlines were all 'Palin delivered.' I said, another baby?

The McCain people believe that Americans will disregard her inexperience because they will fall in love with her story. She was a runner up in the 1984 Miss Alaska Pageant, which may sound trite, but you try walking in high-heeled snow shoes.

And the trump card, why Americans will fall in love with her, she's got five kids. How can you not vote for someone who has five children, including an infant. Some touching details about the infant: it has Down Syndrome, she had it when she was 43 years old, and it looks a lot like John Edwards.

Five kids? Does anyone in that party understand the concept of pulling out?

John McCain's VP pick is the governor of Alaska, a unknown hockey mom named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only other job she had in politics was the mayor of a small town known as Wasilla, Alaska, and now she has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack Obama, the first black man she's ever seen.

This isn't a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The Maverick and the MILF.

Are you kidding me, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska? Yeah, that's who you want in the White House during a time of crisis. When she got a phone call at 3 in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten in the garbage can.

I think this is pertinent because McCain has been running this campaign based on 'We're at war, it's a dangerous world out there. The democrats don't get that. I John McCain am the only one standing between the blood-thirsty Al Qaedas and you. But if I die, this stewardess can handle it.'

When they were vetting her for this job, like three seconds ago, she said, quote, I'm not making this up, 'What is it exactly that the VP does every day?' Let me field that for you, Sarah. They start wars, they enrich their friends, they subvert the Constitution, and they shoot people in the face. That's what the vice president does.