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Barack Obama Jokes | Jokes about Democrats | Jokes about the Election | Political Jokes | Jokes about the Economy
Here are some f***ing golden jokes about Rod Blagojevich. But you didn't think we would just give this f*** valuable page away for nothing, did you?
Click EasyEdit to add your own jokes about the Illinois Governor that tried to sell a seat on the Senate to the highest bidder.
Well, the latest talk is that Caroline Kennedy wants to be appointed to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. She wants Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. In fact, today, Caroline Kennedy got a call from Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich saying, 'How much you willing to pay for it?'
In an unprecedented move, the Illinois Attorney General has asked the High Court to strip Governor Bla-son-of-a-bitch -- is that his name? I can never get it right -- of his powers and declare him unfit. See, that would never happen here in California. See, they would declare our governor too fit.
And at a press conference this week, Jesse Jackson Jr., who is Candidate Number 5 for the Senate seat, strongly denied that he did anything wrong or improper. But now people are saying his brother might be involved. They say Jesse Jackson Jr. could be punished politically for what his brother did, to which Jeb Bush said, 'Tell me about it!'
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says the budget crisis in California is only getting worse. He said it is so bad, we may have to start selling Senate seats here.
This is what politicians do whenever they get in trouble. Early this morning, embattled Illinois Governor Rod Bla-son-of-a-bitch -- is that his name? -- I keep saying it wrong. ... Well, they always do this. He invited several ministers into his home this morning. Well, first, he prayed with them. And then, you know, out of force of habit, he tried to take up a collection.
Time magazine reports that Governor Blagojevich has an approval rating 4%. That's with a margin of error of 5%. That means he could actually disapprove of himself.
Sources say that Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. is Senate Candidate Number Five, whose emissary allegedly told Governor Blagojevich that, in return for Jesse being appointed as Barack Obama's replacement to the U.S. Senate, the governor would receive as much as $1 million. Now, if this turns out to be true, this could be the worst setback for the Jackson family since the invention of DNA paternity tests.
Hey, you probably saw this on the news. A very embarrassing moment at the Illinois State Capitol today. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich attended the opening of the nativity scene. And when the three wise men showed up with gifts for the baby Jesus, Blagojevich demanded half the loot.
Yesterday was Governor -- is it Blagojevich or Bla-son-of-a-bitch? -- it was his birthday. You know what sign Blagojevich was born under? 'For sale.' I believe that was the sign.
Actually, it's getting pretty serious. President-elect Barack Obama has called for Blagojevich to resign, but he refused. He refused a directive from the next President of the United States, to which Hillary Clinton said, 'So?'
And of course, the bad news for Governor Blagojevich is that there's no chance President Bush will pardon him because Bush can't even pronounce his name.
People close to the case talked about Blagojevich. They said that he was willing to do anything for money. That's why he was going to sell the Senate seat. See, that is so wrong. You know, in this country -- let me tell you something. If you want money, you do what everybody else does, okay? You go to Congress and you demand a bailout. That's what we do.
How many people in our studio audience got your seats tonight because you paid off Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich?
Illinois Governor Rod Bla-son-of-a-bitch, is that how you say his name? Is it Bla-son-of-a-bitch? I think I'm saying that right. He was arrested for conspiring to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. ... Let me tell you something. You know, you don't buy a Senate seat in this country. You take up donations. You go out. You lie to the American people. You make promises you are never going to keep. That's how you get to be a United States Senator.
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is now in federal custody on corruption charges. The governor, they say he conspired to sell the U.S. Senate seat held by Barack Obama. Remember he left it vacant? He was trying to sell it to the highest bidder. Yeah, now, I don't want to say he was brazen about it, but he did it on eBay.
He's facing jail time, which will be a switch. In federal prison, he'll be going to the highest bidder. See, it's totally different now.
They've been doing some research into Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Have you seen this guy? Well, it turns out that thing on his head actually mated with that thing on Donald Trump's head. It's getting ugly.We're not kidding about this economy, which is so bad that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich had to mark down the price of a Senate seat 40%.
But did you hear about this guy? Blagojevich is charged with corruption and apparently he was stealing a lot of money, getting a lot of bribes and kickbacks and hiding them in his hair.
But you know what he was doing? Because Barack Obama is the President-elect who used to be one of the senators from Illinois, Blagojevich has got to appoint a senator. So he was calling up people, saying, 'Would you like to be a senator. Well, what's it worth to you?' Well, I just hope to God this doesn't tarnish the fine reputation of Illinois politics.
One guy, he was going to charge 150,000 dollars for the Senate seat, 200,000 dollars for the cup holder.
Here's a great story, because we had some trouble with our governor a couple of months ago, Governor Spitzer. Well, now, the governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, has been arrested. He wanted $150,000 to name somebody to replace senator Barack Obama as the senator from Illinois. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. One count of bribery, also one count of fraud, and also one count of blagojeviching.
Spitzer was a lot more fun and a lot easier to say, too. Yeah, when former New York Governor Elliott Spitzer heard about Governor Blagojevich, he said, 'Hey, you call that a scandal? No, I don't think so. At least when a New York governor goes down, he has some fun on the way. '
Prosecutors said Tuesday there is no evidence that Barack Obama was involved in the Blagojevich scandal. Or, as Fox News reported it, 'Is Barack Obama involved in the Blagojevich scandal?'"
The Blagojevich scandal continues. Earlier this week, of course, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was accused of auctioning off a Senate seat to the highest bidder. Now his approval rating is at 8%. Yeah, when he heard this, Blagojevich said, 'Eight? Do I hear a nine? 10?
Yesterday President-elect Barack Obama called on Illinois Governor Blagojevich to resign. And after hearing this, Blagojevich said, 'If he wants to call and talk to me, it's $4.99 a minute.'
Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a seat in the Senate to the highest bidder. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And folks, if convicted, he could wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder.
President-elect Barack Obama, today, called for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to resign. Blagojevich said, 'I'll do that if the price is right.'
Speaking of Governor Blagojevich. Today -- coincidence -- today is his birthday. So for the second day in a row, Federal agents jumped out and yelled, 'Surprise!'
Speaking of Senate seats, this morning, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested by the FBI because he was trying to sell the Senate seat being vacated by Barack Obama. Blagojevich says he's sorry he tried to sell the seat and extremely sorry he did it on Craigslist.
Here are some f***ing golden jokes about Rod Blagojevich. But you didn't think we would just give this f*** valuable page away for nothing, did you?
Click EasyEdit to add your own jokes about the Illinois Governor that tried to sell a seat on the Senate to the highest bidder.
Rod Blagojevich fights back. His statement can be seen here.
Jay Leno on Rod Blagojevich
The economy is in bad shape. I went shopping over the weekend. I got an Illinois Senate seat for $149. Amazing, marked down from half a million.Well, the latest talk is that Caroline Kennedy wants to be appointed to Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. She wants Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. In fact, today, Caroline Kennedy got a call from Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich saying, 'How much you willing to pay for it?'
In an unprecedented move, the Illinois Attorney General has asked the High Court to strip Governor Bla-son-of-a-bitch -- is that his name? I can never get it right -- of his powers and declare him unfit. See, that would never happen here in California. See, they would declare our governor too fit.
And at a press conference this week, Jesse Jackson Jr., who is Candidate Number 5 for the Senate seat, strongly denied that he did anything wrong or improper. But now people are saying his brother might be involved. They say Jesse Jackson Jr. could be punished politically for what his brother did, to which Jeb Bush said, 'Tell me about it!'
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger says the budget crisis in California is only getting worse. He said it is so bad, we may have to start selling Senate seats here.
This is what politicians do whenever they get in trouble. Early this morning, embattled Illinois Governor Rod Bla-son-of-a-bitch -- is that his name? -- I keep saying it wrong. ... Well, they always do this. He invited several ministers into his home this morning. Well, first, he prayed with them. And then, you know, out of force of habit, he tried to take up a collection.
Time magazine reports that Governor Blagojevich has an approval rating 4%. That's with a margin of error of 5%. That means he could actually disapprove of himself.
Sources say that Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. is Senate Candidate Number Five, whose emissary allegedly told Governor Blagojevich that, in return for Jesse being appointed as Barack Obama's replacement to the U.S. Senate, the governor would receive as much as $1 million. Now, if this turns out to be true, this could be the worst setback for the Jackson family since the invention of DNA paternity tests.
Hey, you probably saw this on the news. A very embarrassing moment at the Illinois State Capitol today. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich attended the opening of the nativity scene. And when the three wise men showed up with gifts for the baby Jesus, Blagojevich demanded half the loot.
Yesterday was Governor -- is it Blagojevich or Bla-son-of-a-bitch? -- it was his birthday. You know what sign Blagojevich was born under? 'For sale.' I believe that was the sign.
Actually, it's getting pretty serious. President-elect Barack Obama has called for Blagojevich to resign, but he refused. He refused a directive from the next President of the United States, to which Hillary Clinton said, 'So?'
And of course, the bad news for Governor Blagojevich is that there's no chance President Bush will pardon him because Bush can't even pronounce his name.
People close to the case talked about Blagojevich. They said that he was willing to do anything for money. That's why he was going to sell the Senate seat. See, that is so wrong. You know, in this country -- let me tell you something. If you want money, you do what everybody else does, okay? You go to Congress and you demand a bailout. That's what we do.
How many people in our studio audience got your seats tonight because you paid off Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich?
Illinois Governor Rod Bla-son-of-a-bitch, is that how you say his name? Is it Bla-son-of-a-bitch? I think I'm saying that right. He was arrested for conspiring to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. ... Let me tell you something. You know, you don't buy a Senate seat in this country. You take up donations. You go out. You lie to the American people. You make promises you are never going to keep. That's how you get to be a United States Senator.
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is now in federal custody on corruption charges. The governor, they say he conspired to sell the U.S. Senate seat held by Barack Obama. Remember he left it vacant? He was trying to sell it to the highest bidder. Yeah, now, I don't want to say he was brazen about it, but he did it on eBay.
He's facing jail time, which will be a switch. In federal prison, he'll be going to the highest bidder. See, it's totally different now.
David Letterman on Rod Blagojevich
Top Ten Messages Left on Rod Blagojevich's Answering Machine
Hey, what are you folks getting for Christmas? Well, I tell you what, Illinois is getting a new governor.
They've been doing some research into Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Have you seen this guy? Well, it turns out that thing on his head actually mated with that thing on Donald Trump's head. It's getting ugly.
But did you hear about this guy? Blagojevich is charged with corruption and apparently he was stealing a lot of money, getting a lot of bribes and kickbacks and hiding them in his hair.
But you know what he was doing? Because Barack Obama is the President-elect who used to be one of the senators from Illinois, Blagojevich has got to appoint a senator. So he was calling up people, saying, 'Would you like to be a senator. Well, what's it worth to you?' Well, I just hope to God this doesn't tarnish the fine reputation of Illinois politics.
One guy, he was going to charge 150,000 dollars for the Senate seat, 200,000 dollars for the cup holder.
Here's a great story, because we had some trouble with our governor a couple of months ago, Governor Spitzer. Well, now, the governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, has been arrested. He wanted $150,000 to name somebody to replace senator Barack Obama as the senator from Illinois. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. One count of bribery, also one count of fraud, and also one count of blagojeviching.
Spitzer was a lot more fun and a lot easier to say, too. Yeah, when former New York Governor Elliott Spitzer heard about Governor Blagojevich, he said, 'Hey, you call that a scandal? No, I don't think so. At least when a New York governor goes down, he has some fun on the way. '
Amy Poehler on Rod Blagojevich
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested Tuesday for trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat. When agents arrived at his house, Blagojevich asked for five minutes to pack up his things, and eight hours to brush his hair.Prosecutors said Tuesday there is no evidence that Barack Obama was involved in the Blagojevich scandal. Or, as Fox News reported it, 'Is Barack Obama involved in the Blagojevich scandal?'"
SNL's Weekend Update: Really!?! With Seth and Amy - Rod Blagojevich
Conan O'Brien on Rod Blagojevich
The Illinois Supreme Court refused to hear a motion to throw Governor Blagojevich out of office. Afterwards, Blagojevich thanked the Supreme Court and said, 'Your check is in the mail!'The Blagojevich scandal continues. Earlier this week, of course, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was accused of auctioning off a Senate seat to the highest bidder. Now his approval rating is at 8%. Yeah, when he heard this, Blagojevich said, 'Eight? Do I hear a nine? 10?
Yesterday President-elect Barack Obama called on Illinois Governor Blagojevich to resign. And after hearing this, Blagojevich said, 'If he wants to call and talk to me, it's $4.99 a minute.'
Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a seat in the Senate to the highest bidder. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And folks, if convicted, he could wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder.
President-elect Barack Obama, today, called for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to resign. Blagojevich said, 'I'll do that if the price is right.'
Speaking of Governor Blagojevich. Today -- coincidence -- today is his birthday. So for the second day in a row, Federal agents jumped out and yelled, 'Surprise!'
Speaking of Senate seats, this morning, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested by the FBI because he was trying to sell the Senate seat being vacated by Barack Obama. Blagojevich says he's sorry he tried to sell the seat and extremely sorry he did it on Craigslist.
Craig Ferguson on Rod Blagojevich
It is not all bad news for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, because today is his birthday. If you want to get Blagojevich a present, you can't go wrong with a good lawyer.Jon Stewart on Rod Blagojevich
| A Telling Blagojevich Interview | Blagojevich's Political Drama is a Human Soap Opera |
Rod Blagojevich is a Jagoff | (D-IL) Weed |
Stephen Colbert on Rod Blagojevich
Now, perhaps the toughest thing for Governor Blagojevich is that today, December 10, is his birthday. ... First, indicted Senator Ted Stevens loses the Alaska election recount on his birthday. And now this. In fact, Hallmark has come up with a new category of cards birthdays/federal indictments. I've got one right here. 'Hey, you're not over the hill, you're in federal custody!' Big sellers.Rod Blagojevich Is Arrested | Rod Blagojevich's Birthday |
