Which is the most dangerous friendship ?
The friendship of a corrupt boss is more dangerous than his enemity

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1.Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2.Wrinkles don't hurt, they just look painful.
3.Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts.
4.Today's mighty Oak was yesterdays nut that held it's ground.
5.Laughing is good exercise, it's like jogging on the inside.
6.Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

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1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus.

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A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay in the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.
So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, there was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husbands funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date October 16, 2005

I know your surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

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A lady 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed a man opposite her was looking at her and smiling. When it continued she started feeling uncomfortable and moved to another seat. The man kept looking t her and seemed even more amused and it felt really creepy to her so she moved again and still he kept looking at her and was chuckling by now so she moved further away to a 4th seat and the guy started laughing hysterically which totally creeped her out and she complained to the driver, who called the police, who then arrested this guy for her safety.

The case came up in court last week. the judge asked the man ( about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, 'Well your honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus I couldn't help notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The double-mint twins are coming,' and I smiled.

Then she sat under a sign that said,'Logan's liniment will reduce swelling', and I had to grin.

Then she sat under a deoderant sign that said,'William's big stick did the trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, your honor, When she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear rubber could have prevented this accident,' I just lost it.

CASE DISMISSED

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1.Why do suits go in garment bags and garments go in suitcases?
2.How come abbreviated is such a long word?
3.Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
4.Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
5.If a word was misspelled in the dictionary, how would we know?
6.Why do we say something is out of whack? What is whack?
7.Why do slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
8.Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
9.Why do tug boats push their barges?
10.Why do we sing take me out to the ball game when we are already there?
11.Why are they called stands when they're made for sitting?
12.Why is it called after dark when it's really after light?
13.Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
14.Why are wise men and wise guys the opposite?
15.Why do overlook and oversee mean the opposite?
16.Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?

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