1. No matter how hard you try you can't baptize a cat.
2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you don't hit her back until later. They always catch the second one.
4. Never ask your three year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someones cutting your hair.
7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
8. Don't wear polka dot underwear under your white shorts.
9. Never turn on a dust buster while holding a cat.
10. The best place to be when your sad is grandma's lap.

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1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down you wonder what else you can do while your down there.
4. you're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you used to get from a roller coaster.
5. You know all the answers but no one is asking the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone.

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