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My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (Jackie Mason)When I went to college, my parents threw a going-away party for me, according to the letter. (Emo Philips)A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?" (Henny Youngman)Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some [bleeping] French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his bad language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more [bleeping] French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't wantSIKE theSEE [bleeping]IT'S FrenchFUNNY toast."TO (Unknown)ME