Apparently Tax Evasion is the New Sex Scandal in Washington.

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Jay Leno on the Obama Nominees

This week in Washington, President Obama took time out from his busy day to read a book to a group of second graders. Did you see that on the news? It was a fairy tale about a cabinet nominee who once paid all his taxes.

Welcome to 'The Tonight Show.' You sound happier than Barack Obama when he found out Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton both paid their taxes.

I think Barack Obama is a genius. I think this is part of the plan. Do you ever notice when Barack Obama nominates someone, the first thing they do is pay their taxes? He's found a way to pay off the deficit. Nominate every single person in the country one at a time, until they pay off the deficit.

As you know, Tom Daschle withdrew his name to be in Obama's cabinet, due to IRS problems. Yeah, he said, 'I will not be a distraction.' See, distraction is Washington talk for, 'Uh-oh, there's a lot more crap you don't know about yet.'

Wasn't it just a couple months ago, these people were making fun of Joe the Plumber for not paying his taxes?

Daschle says that his problems with the IRS were unintentional. Well, of course they were unintentional. He never intended to get caught.

I guess the Democrats think IRS means, 'I'm really sorry.'

And you know that woman here in California who just had the eight kids and has six more at home?' Well, today, Tom Daschle proposed to her. He's not in love, he just needs the deductions. 'Please marry me, please!'

The White House issued a statement today saying that the reason their nominees are having such trouble is that the new White House has set the bar very high. See, that shows you what's wrong with politics in this country. That's what the government considers setting the bar high, having to pay taxes like everybody else in America.
Today, Tom Daschle withdrew his nomination for secretary of health and human services after being forced to pay $128,000 in back taxes. Daschle was extremely upset because now it looks like he paid his taxes for nothin'!

You know what really did Tom Daschle in? It turns out there are now pictures of him partying with Michael Phelps.

And tax problems for another Obama nominee. Nancy Killefer has withdrawn her nomination as White House chief performance officer. Not only did she not pay her taxes, she had a tax lien put on her house by the government. Where is Obama getting these nominees? Old episodes of 'Cops'?

You realize Obama would have less tax problems if he had nominated Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes. They actually have better records than most of these people.

And because of our huge budget crisis, California's now going to delay paying your tax refunds, to which Tom Daschle said, 'That's why I didn't pay them in the first place.'

Tom Daschle, whom President Obama wants as secretary of health and human services, apparently did not pay $128,000 in taxes that he owes the government. Did you realize President Obama hasn't had a cabinet member with an embarrassing tax problem like this since the last guy they appointed?

There was a huge scientific breakthrough today. Researchers say they are very close to finding someone from Obama's Cabinet who's actually paid their taxes.

Caroline Kennedy, who was hoping to fill in Hillary Clinton's vacant Senate seat, has now taken her name out of contention. She's out of it. New York Times reports that the reason Caroline Kennedy dropped out is because of housekeeper and tax issues. Dropped out 'cause of tax issues. The good news, she's still eligible to be treasury secretary.

Barack Obama plans to issue an executive order on his first full day in office, directing the closing of Guantanamo Bay. He said he needs the money for new prisons to hold Democratic mayors and governors.

In a last-minute complication to what looked like an otherwise smooth path to confirmation, Timothy Geithner, President-elect Obama's nominee for the secretary of Treasury admitted that from 2001 to 2004 he failed to pay $34,000 in Federal tax. Fortunately for him, this is not his field of expertise. You know, he's just nominee for Secretary of the Treasury!

A Democratic spokesman called the issue today 'an honest mistake.' How come, in Washington, the only time anyone is honest is when they make a mistake?

Well, you ever notice this? Whenever politicians don't pay their taxes, 'Oh, it's an honest mistake.' Huh? You know what they call it when you and I don't pay our taxes? 'Exhibit A for the prosecution.'

Barack Obama spent his first full day in Washington since coming back from his vacation in Hawaii, but no matter where this guy is, he always manages to work out. Like, today, he spent most of the afternoon running from Bill Richardson.

David Letterman on the Obama Nominees

Ladies and gentlemen, while you were applauding that joke, another Obama nominee dropped out.

Have you been following this? Obama has now lost two nominees because of tax trouble. So good luck to the new Health and Human Services nominee, Wesley Snipes.

Former Senator Tom Daschle from South Dakota had to withdraw because he forgot to pay taxes. You know, I believe the guy because in South Dakota, there are so many distractions.

I was stunned by the Daschle story because we don't expect Democrats to cheat on their taxes. No, we expect Democrats to cheat on their wives. That's how this is supposed to go!

Tom Daschle has withdrawn his cabinet nomination because he had some tax problems. Forgot about $150,000. Remember the old days, when politicians got in trouble for having sex with pages. Those days seem pretty sweet now, don't they?

Conan O'Brien on the Obama Nominees

President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes.

Now that Tom Daschle has withdrawn his nomination, the White House is thinking of replacing him with the CEO of Safeway supermarkets. That's true. Yeah, the White House said they should be able to check him out quickly if he has eight items or less.

Craig Ferguson on the Obama Nominees

President Obama is going to put a salary cap on execs working for companies that take government bailout money. Finally, some accountability in Washington. But I'm thinking if they are going introduce accountability, shouldn't Obama start by making his own people pay their taxes?

Obama's cabinet picks must've gone to the Willie Nelson School of Taxpaying.

Stephen Colbert on the Obama Nominees

Jon Stewart on the Obama Nominees

I do want to say a quick word to anyone out there who wants to bring change and hope to a deeply divided and suffering America: Pay your f***ing taxes. We're not asking you to be perfect. You want to be in the Cabinet? We're not saying you can't throw a little under the table to the Guatemalan nanny. You're not saying you can't accept a couple thanks-for-your-help fruit baskets from the boys down at Local 238. But Tom Daschle? Obama's pick for Health secretary? $128,000 in taxes. That's not $128,000 for a car and driver. That's $128,000 in the taxes on, like, 400,000 of drivers. If you're paying $300,000 to $400,000 for a driver, you're driving too much. What do you wake up in the morning and have to go to the bathroom and go, 'Driver? To the toilet.' That's how much money it would be for Miss Daisy if her driver was actually Morgan Freeman. So Tom Daschle, pay your taxes. And stop having Alfred bring you to work in the Batmobile. It's too much money.