January 20th, 2009 Barack Obama was sworn in as 44th President of the United States. (and not a moment too soon!)

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Conan O'Brien on the Inauguration

Yesterday, at Barack Obama's inauguration, he was sworn in on an old Bible that was used by Abraham Lincoln. Yeah, and the weird part is, Lincoln checked the Bible out of a library. There are $73,000 in late fees.

Yesterday, this is weird, vendors along the parade route were selling binoculars that they called 'Barackulars.' That's true. And even worse, the ShamWow guy was selling 'ShamWowbamas.'

What an historic day, ladies and gentlemen. The whole country was riveted by Barack Obama's inauguration. Two million people were in Washington to watch it, and then everyone else in the country watched it on TV. Yeah, I don't think America's been this excited since they figured out how to put cheese inside pizza crust.

This is a true story. Some people alongside Barack Obama's inaugural parade route got bored waiting for it to start. So, did you see this? They started doing the electric slide. Yeah, apparently, the best way to celebrate our first black president is to do the whitest dance imaginable.

All the living ex-presidents attended the swearing-in ceremony. But did you see this? Bill Clinton got the biggest response from the crowd. Did you see that? Yeah. Yeah, apparently, thousands of women yelled, 'That's him, officer!'

Very cold today in Washington. Yeah. In fact, with the wind chill, President Bush's approval rating reached minus 13.

Everybody was using superlatives today to talk about this historic day, all the broadcasters. During NBC's coverage, Brian Williams said that the inauguration is like the Super Bowl. Yeah. The only difference is that the New York Jets had a chance to go to the inauguration.

Now, people who went to elementary school with Barack Obama say that they remember him as a chubby boy named Barry. Yeah. And folks, even as we speak, those people's tax returns are being audited.

They're going nuts in Washington, though. The festivities have already begun. Yesterday, in Washington, Barack Obama was on hand -- did you see this? For performances by Jon Bon Jovi, Garth Brooks and John Mellencamp. Yeah. So, folks, it really is a new era for African-Americans. All the music they love.

You know, some people are really angry because the festivities for Barack Obama's inauguration, guess what? Are gonna cost $170 million. Yeah, after hearing about it, Oprah said, 'Don't worry. This one's on me.' She put down her Amex card made of plutonium.

Earlier tonight, this is nice, Barack Obama hosted a dinner honoring John McCain. You can tell the dinner was to honor John McCain, because it was over by 4:00 P.M.

Jay Leno on the Inauguration

And while Barack Obama was in the inaugural parade the other day, he was wearing what the Secret Service called a bullet-resistant suit. Did you see that? The suit was made out of what they call 'bullet resistant material.' You know, here's my question, the man's the president. Spend a couple of bucks, go the extra yard, get the 'bullet proof' suit. Okay?

It was announced today they're coming out with an official Inauguration Day DVD. Listen to this, it's going to contain a lot of extras, including the Supreme Court Justice John Roberts blooper reel. You don't want to miss this.

And during his inaugural address yesterday, President Barack Obama said, 'Millions of Americans have lost their homes and some of us who still have homes have their mother-in-laws moving in with them.'

Barack Obama said his first act as president will be to pardon Aretha Franklin's hat.

Two million people attended the inauguration, compared to less than 500,000 when Bush was inaugurated four years ago. But that makes sense because four years ago, you know, people had jobs to go to.

And there was a stumbling during the reading of the oath, when the chief justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts, forgot the words for a second and then he got them in the wrong order. See, how typical is that? Barack, just a second before he takes over, the Republicans get one last screw up in there.

No, apparently the chief justice stumbled on the word faithfully. But to be fair, a lot of people in Washington have trouble with any version of the word faithfully.

And in his speech yesterday, Barack Obama promised to harness the sun, the wind, and the soil, to which the Amish said, 'Yeah, it's a big change. Yeah, we'll get on that right away. Yeah, Ezekiel and I haven't been doing that.'

The total cost of the inauguration was $170 million. They say this is the most of the expensive celebration since that last AIG retreat on our bailout money.

Did you see former Vice President Cheney in the wheelchair? He's fine, nothing to worry about. See, Cheney is very calculating. Apparently, he drove his own car, and he grabbed the wheelchair so he could take a handicap space.

And yesterday had the largest gathering of celebrities for any inauguration ever. In fact, there were so many celebrities and politicians together, it broke the old record set by the Betty Ford Clinic.

And Michele Obama's inaugural ball gown, which she wore during the first dance -- beautiful gown -- was created by a designer with the last name of Wu, which is a great name for a designer, isn't it? Because when you walk in, people go 'woo!' You know, Wu is so much more fortunate than that other designer, Elliott Eh.

ABC News reporting that backstage, President Jimmy Carter appeared to snub President Clinton on his way out to the platform. Anybody notice that? Apparently, Carter's upset Clinton rejected his friend request on Facebook.

And at the congressional luncheon held after he took office, President Obama asked lawmakers to reflect on what we know is in the hearts of the American people. Turns out, it's grease, fat, and lots of cholesterol

Oh actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington, whose speech was just a couple minutes long, which makes sense because, remember, George Washington couldn't tell a lie, right?

And it was cold. It was so cold in Washington, it felt like Hillary's inauguration.

It was so cold, Al Gore led a prayer for global warming.

In fact, by the end of the inauguration, everybody's face looked like Nancy Pelosi.

And during the inauguration, Washington, D.C., set up prostitution-free zones. Areas where there is no prostitution? Isn't that supposed to be the whole city, huh? I mean, is Washington so corrupt now we just rope off the areas where people actually follow the law?

And Jill Biden, Vice President Joe Biden's wife, slipped on the Oprah Winfrey show when she said, 'Well, you know, Barack Obama actually offered Joe the vice presidency or Secretary of State.' She said she was glad that Joe Biden chose the vice presidency because he would be home with her more often. See, the Secretary of State is out of the country way too much, so Joe Biden went with the vice presidency. His decision led Bill Clinton to say to Joe, 'I owe you, man!’

Barack Obama is in the latest issue of the 'Spider-Man' comics. That's when you know you're big, when you're in 'Spider-Man' comics. The story is about how Spider-Man stops bad guys from ruining Barack's inauguration. And psychologists believe this comic book was actually very handy in helping President Bush understand the transition.
You know, it's really fascinating to watch this peaceful transfer of power. Because we're the envy of the world that we're able to do this. I only hope Conan and I can do it just as peacefully.

In fact, John McCain said he was so moved by today's events, he suspended his campaign again.

Vice President Cheney pulled a muscle in his back. Did you see him in the wheelchair today? You would think being in a wheelchair would make Cheney more sympathetic, but it made him look kind of evil, didn't it?

Well, did you all see Obama's speech? He said America is finally ready to lead again, to which Bush said: 'Hey, I'm sitting here! Hello! I'm still here!'

I thought Obama gave a great speech. But I think he may have promised too much, like when he promised to bring the dog from the 'Marley & Me' movie back to life. That seemed over the top to me.

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts made a mistake during the swearing in of Barack Obama. That's the second mistake the Supreme Court has made with a president, if you count the time they declared Bush the winner.

Every single TV network was covering the inauguration, except Fox. They're still doing the recount.

Now, if you could not afford to go to the inauguration, there's a perfect way to recreate the experience at home. Here's what you do. You play back the tape of Barack and then you put the air conditioner on full blast, then stand in line for six hours waiting to use your own bathroom.

I think Barack Obama missed the perfect opportunity to balance the budget today. Did you see those thousands of port-a-potties? Make them pay toilets, we'd have a surplus by tomorrow.

And if you watch the news, you know a lot of celebrities in Washington for the inauguration. Isn't that unbelievable? So many celebrities are out of town, over in Malibu, they had to close the Promises Rehab Center for a week.

Good luck trying to find a place to stay. Given how hard it is to get a room in Washington, even Bill and Hillary had to double up.

And that was quite a pre-inaugural show they put on in Washington yesterday. Then Barack Obama got up and he told the crowd that 'anything is possible in America' except, of course, the Eagles being in the Super Bowl.

Craig Ferguson on the Inauguration

I have inauguration fever. 'Twas the night before the inauguration, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, as Dick Cheney tortured a mouse.

The whole country has inauguration fever -- at least 52 percent of the country. The other 48 percent are McCainiacs.

Hotels in Washington, D.C., are overbooked. A lot of VIPs have no place to stay. Things are so bad, Bill and Hillary Clinton have to share a room.

Jimmy Kimmel on the Inauguration

Yesterday, Obama had to have the oath of office re-administered by Chief Justice Roberts. You may remember, the first time they did it, it didn't take, because they were both really drunk and screwed it up. Roberts mixed up some of the words, so yesterday, they decided to redo it, just to be safe. And this is why you need to get Regis for this stuff, because Regis doesn't screw things up. If Regis delivered the oath, it would have been absolutely perfect. No?
They estimate that around two million people crowded in to the National Mall to see Obama's swearing-in ceremony, which is the first time a mall has been crowded in about a year.

Jon Stewart on the Inauguration

Inauguration Media Coverage
Dance Dance Inauguration	Inauguration Day Unity
Changefest '09 - The End of Frat Boy Culture	Changefest '09 - Youth Inaugural Ball
Changefest '09 - Obama's Inaugural Speech	Changefest '09 - Obama's Inauguration
Barack Concert	Obama Inauguration

Stephen Colbert on the Inauguration

Near President Obama	President Yo-yo Ma
Stephen's Inauguration Breakdown	P.K. Winsome - Inauguration Merchandise