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| Version | User | Scope of changes |
|---|---|---|
| Dec 10 2006, 3:57 PM EST | LaughsWithWolves | 16 words added |
| Nov 28 2006, 11:24 PM EST | LaughsWithWolves | 22 words added |
Changes
Key: Additions Deletions
I come from a big family... 14 kids. I didn't sleep alone until I got married.
My wedding day... that was a beauty. I went to put the ring on... she gave me the wrong finger. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Never tell your wife she's lousy in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion. (Rodney Dangerfield)
They say marriage is a contract. No it's not. Contracts come with warranties. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer. If your husband starts acting up, you can't take him back to his mama's house. "I don't know... he just stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny noise." (Wanda Sykes)
A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. (Tim Allen)
I love being married. I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. (Brian Kiley)
What’s the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her.
Losing a wife can be hard. In some cases it’s almost impossible.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
My ex-wife and I have our alimony set up on the easy payment plan. I make the payment and she takes it easy.
Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - a life sentence!
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
A guy tells his psychiatrist, "It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn't get your telegram." (Unknown)
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)
A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says, "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guy says, “Well, for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?" (Unknown)
Two guys were staring into their drinks when one said, "Hey, Harry, have you ever suspected your wife of leading a double life?"
"Yeah, all the time," Harry said. "Hers and mine." (Playboy's Party Jokes)
A man complained to his therapist about having two unhappy marriages. "Tell me about them," the therapist said.
"Well," the man said, "my first wife divorced me and my second wife won't."
This guy approched his wife everynight and has had the same reply for months: "Sweetie, not tonight, I've got a headache!" One night though, as she was asleep, he tossed two aspirins down her throat... she wakes up in panic, and asks what´s going on.
"Baby, it's just a couple of aspirins," he replies...
"What?! But I haven´t got a headache!"
My wedding day... that was a beauty. I went to put the ring on... she gave me the wrong finger. (Rodney Dangerfield)
Never tell your wife she's lousy in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion. (Rodney Dangerfield)
They say marriage is a contract. No it's not. Contracts come with warranties. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer. If your husband starts acting up, you can't take him back to his mama's house. "I don't know... he just stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny noise." (Wanda Sykes)
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A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. (Tim Allen)
-----------------------------------
I love being married. I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. (Brian Kiley)
-----------------------------------
What’s the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
-----------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her.
-----------------------------------
Losing a wife can be hard. In some cases it’s almost impossible.
-----------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
-----------------------------------
My ex-wife and I have our alimony set up on the easy payment plan. I make the payment and she takes it easy.
-----------------------------------
Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - a life sentence!
-----------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
-----------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-----------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
-----------------------------------
A guy tells his psychiatrist, "It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that I'd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn't get your telegram." (Unknown)
-----------------------------------
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)
-----------------------------------
A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says, "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guy says, “Well, for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?" (Unknown)
-----------------------------------
Two guys were staring into their drinks when one said, "Hey, Harry, have you ever suspected your wife of leading a double life?"
"Yeah, all the time," Harry said. "Hers and mine." (Playboy's Party Jokes)
-----------------------------------
A man complained to his therapist about having two unhappy marriages. "Tell me about them," the therapist said.
"Well," the man said, "my first wife divorced me and my second wife won't."
-----------------------------------
This guy approched his wife everynight and has had the same reply for months: "Sweetie, not tonight, I've got a headache!" One night though, as she was asleep, he tossed two aspirins down her throat... she wakes up in panic, and asks what´s going on.
"Baby, it's just a couple of aspirins," he replies...
"What?! But I haven´t got a headache!"
He stares at her calmly and says: "That's excellent! In that case we're getting down to business."
