Click EasyEdit to add your favorite jokes from your favorite television shows. Don't add whole sequences, just the set-ups and punchlines.

"Two and a Half Men"

Jake (the son): Can I get my ear pierced?
Alan (his dad): No.
Jake: Why not?
Charlie: You can't keep the holes you already have clean.

"Saturday Night Live" Skit

Chevy Chase (as a doctor): Knock knock.
Gilda Radner (as Babs): Who's there?
Chevy: Bab's uvula.
Gilda: Bab's uvula who?
Chevy: I don't know, Babs. But I do know this... your uvula is on the fritz.

"Everybody Loves Raymond"

Debra: You know what I think?
Ray: If I say yes, do you still have to tell me?

Andy: Cute pajamas, Ray.
Gianni: Yeah, is there a little flap in the back?
Ray: Yeah. Lift it up and there's a picture of you.

"Seinfeld"

George: That's why I'm different. I can sense the slightest human suffering.
Jerry: Are you sensing anything right now?

George gets caught peeing in the shower at the gym:
Elaine: Have you ever heard of holding it in?
George: No that’s very bad for the kidneys.
Elaine: How do you know?
George: Medical journals.
Jerry: Do these medical journals mention anything about standing in a pool of someone else’s urine?

"Cheers"

The owner of Melville's, Mr. Hill, tells Sam not to use his trash dumpsters.
Carla: Sammy can do whatever he wants with his trash.
Hill: Yes. I see today he dressed it up in an apron.

Sam: How's it going Norm?"
Norm: "It's a dog eat dog world, Sammy, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."

It's raining outside. Norm enters.
Sam: "Still pouring, Norm?"
Norm: "Funny, I was about to ask you the same question."

"Friends"

The group is watching an old home movie and laughs when a very, very fat young Monica comes onscreen.
Monica: "Shut up. The camera adds ten pounds."
Chandler: "How many cameras are on you?"

"The Simpsons"

Fat Tony: You have twenty-four hours to get our money. And just to show you we're serious...you have twelve hours.