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There's a astronaut, a pimp, and a proctologist at a bar, they start to discuss cars. The astronaut says, "I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn." The pimp goes, "I'm a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort. The proctologist goes, "I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe. (Unknown)


A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here's a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says, "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a woman at the back of the bar raises her hand. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle." (Unknown)

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On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says, "Don't forget the coffee!" (Unknown)

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Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice -- death, or ugga bugga." The first guy says, "Well, I guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga." The minister says, "Well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I suppose it must be death." The chief says, "Very well. DEATH BY UGGA BUGGA!” (Unknown)

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Superman is flying through the sky one day when he looks down and notices Wonder Woman, totally naked, sprawled out in the grass. Using his super speed, he swoops down, has sex with her and then flies before she even realized what happened.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman asked.

"I don't know," said the Invisible man, "but my ass is killing me." (Unknown)

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I was humping my missus when she said, look out the window! I did and she bit my nipple with the full strength of her teeth. She said, "I didn't complain when you did it!" We returned to having sex and she suddenly shouted, "the fishes are dead!" I turned to look at the fish tank and she stuck her fist into my ass. She said,"I didn't complain when you did it!" Feeling fustrated, I humped her even harder and when I was about to cum...she stopped and ran towards the door..."Now fake it," she said, "I didn't complain when I had to do it!" (contributor's original)