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Democrats!

Jay Leno on the Democrats

And here's kind of an odd story. Due to a phone book misprint, callers to the New Jersey Democratic party actually got connected to a sex phone line. Ironically, on the sex phone line, you could still talk to former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey.

And the Democratic-controlled Congress says they're going to adjourn for the rest of the year. This is true. The Senate majority leader said regarding the financial crisis, no one knows what to do. Well there's a ringing endorsement to re-elect them, huh? 'Hey, good luck! You're on your own! We're leaving!'

The stock market was up 400 points today. Or as Democrats call that, 'Terrible news!'

And Charles Rangel, chairman of the Ways and Means committee -- this is the guy that writes the tax codes -- has been found to be in default on his taxes on income, on a beach villa he owns in the Caribbean. Rangel blames it on his accountant, and he said he didn't understand the law. Didn't understand it? He wrote it! Huh? If he don't understand it, how screwed are we?

The government is spending, what, $200 billion to bail out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Unemployment, five-year high. Foreclosures are at a 19-year high. This means the Democrats are going to have to work extra hard over the next eight weeks to blow this election.

At one point this week, police in Denver had a showdown with over 300 protesters, ended up pepper spraying them. And since, of course, it was Denver and they were Democrats, it was only fresh ground-pepper spray.

Bill Maher on the Democrats

What a historic night. The first time an actual black person is leading the charge for a major American political party. I think that says something pretty great about America: we will accept a black man to lead us if the only other choice is a woman.

David Letterman on the Democrats

The theme of the Democratic Convention is unity. Unfortunately they can't agree on how that works.

Yeah, the Democratic Convention is in Denver, and security is tight out there, it is very tight, it's tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face.

Jimmy Kimmel on the Democrats

The Democratic National Convention is underway in Denver, Colorado. Thousands of pounds of confetti and styrofoam hats and hookers have been shipped in from all over the world. That's what they do at conventions. It wouldn't be a convention without it. I tell you what, the word 'convention' now doesn't seem right to me unless it's preceded by the words 'Star Trek,' right? And since this is the first DNC to feature an African-American nominee, some are calling it the 'Run-DNC.'