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| Oct 31 2008, 11:20 AM EDT (current) | katia2525 | 5 words added, 1 photo added, 1 photo deleted |
| Oct 22 2008, 11:10 AM EDT | katia2525 | 3 words added |
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Jokes about the Election | Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart | Jay Leno on the Debates | Conan O'Brien on the Debates | Daily Show Debate Videos | Colbert Report Debate Videos | David Letterman on the Debates | SNL Vice Presidential Debate Spoof | McCain Palin Sountrack
Click EasyEdit to add your own jokes about the Debates!
But apparently this is John McCain's hail mary. You know, he had to do something, because he was way behind, and this was it. Bringing out this 'every man.' This Joe the plumber, who apparently was on the verge of owning his own plumbing business, which would then be taxed by Obama, and prevent Joe from, as McCain said, living the American dream. Oh yes, I'm snaking out a septic tank, pinch me!
And then today we found out, because McCain is so good at vetting, as we found out with Sarah Palin, that Joe the plumber, turns out, really isn't a licensed plumber, he's in trouble for not paying the taxes that he does owe, he isn't really close to buying any sort of plumbing company, and his name isn't Joe. Or, as the McCain campaign explained it, 'Who is Barack Obama?'
I find this all very disillusioning. The next thing we're going to find out is that Larry the Cable Guy isn't really a cable guy.
The only thing we actually do really know about this Joe the plumber is that he's opinionated, he's extremely conservative, and we're not so sure about the plumbing. Oh my God, he's Ann Coulter!
I tell you, he did not help himself in the debate on Wednesday night, did you see this? Especially with women when he implied that women who get abortions when their life is in danger, are faking it. Did you see that? He literally made air quotes around the phrase 'health of the mother.' Which struck a lot of people as something an 'asshole' would do. Nice 'campaign' you're running there, Mr. 'Maverick.'
But he did have one big moment when he said, 'Senator Obama, I am not President Bush.' My running mate is.The good news is, Sarah Palin can complete a sentence. The bad news is, the rest of us have to listen to it.
The big headline today is that she 'exceeded expectations,' which is like saying Andy Dick only drank half a bottle of Woolite.
And that folksy thing she does, do you love that? It's like fingernails on a blackboard, isn't it? I don't know. I'm old-fashioned. I believe the vice president is supposed to sound like the host of 'Romper Room.'
She kept saying that she represents Joe Sixpack. You know what, sweetheart? If you get elected, Joe is going to need a lot more than a six pack. He's going to be Joe Prescription Drug Pack.
But this doesn't affect the right-wingers. Today, have you heard what they've been saying about this? I mean, they're in love. Rich Lowry, who is the editor of the National Review, it's kind of a serious publication. Listen to what he said. He said, Palin projects through the screen like crazy. He said, I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when she started dropping her first wink, sat up a little straighter on my couch. And her smile, it was so sparkling, it's like little starbursts through the screen. This man needs to get laid so badly.
I wish these smart Republicans could at least admit they don't want to see her in the White House either. They want to see her splayed out on the hood of a car in a Kenny Chesney video.
But, of course, what she's really not having an effect on is the presidential race. Even though she did well in the debate last night, McCain is still sinking in the polls. He's getting desperate. His new campaign slogan is 'McCain: The White Obama.'
He's getting desperate. His strategy for the next debate, on Tuesday, is after he shakes hands with Obama, he's going to pretend his wallet is missing.
Some new developments today regarding Joe the Plumber. That's the guy from Ohio who asked Barack Obama why he wanted to raise taxes on the plumbing business he wants to buy. But now it turns out that Joe is not a licensed plumber, he had to admit that he's 'not even close' to buying the plumbing business, the business does not bring in $250,000 to $280,000 like he said, and his name isn't even Joe -- it's Sam. Turns out the only true thing about 'Joe the Plumber' is 'the.' He's the Sarah Palin of plumbing, is what he is.
This is not your typical debate. Anheuser-Busch, the beer company, underwrote it. They paid for everything, which is a little bit odd, because Cindy McCain, as you may know, owns an Anheuser-Busch wholesaler in Arizona, and also because it's just weird to have alcohol play such a major role in a presidential debate. I don't know much about running for president, but it seems to me that John McCain is not spending nearly enough time working the 'my wife can get us free beer' angle.
The first and only vice presidential debate took place tonight in St. Louis between Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin. It's not too late, by the way, to text in your votes. I voted four times for Sarah Palin and six times for David Archuleta.
Before the debate, Biden's team said his strategy would be to avoid attacking Palin directly and instead, focus on linking John McCain to George Bush and the economy. Palin's people said her strategy would be to stay upwind of Biden, flush him out into an open area, and then go for a clean shot through the lungs. You don't want to mess up the head -- that's the trophy.
This is the first time an Alaskan has ever been on a national ticket, and it also might be the last, depending on how it goes. So across the state of Alaska, all eyes were on the debate. Pipeline workers set aside their wrenches, trappers dropped their beaver pelts, whalers put down their blubber knives, Eskimo families took a break from loading their grandparents onto ice floes. There has not been this much excitement in Alaska since the last time they saw the sun, quite frankly.
The big question, I don't know if anyone has asked yet, while Sarah Palin is yammering it up with Joe Biden in St. Louis, who's keeping an eye on the Russians? I feel very unprotected right now.
Meanwhile, the big question that I don’t know if anyone has asked yet -- while Sarah Palin's yammering it up with Joe Biden in St. Louis, who's keeping an eye on the Russians? What happens if Putin decides to rear his head?
The much-anticipated vice presidential debate takes place tomorrow night in St. Louis. Senator Joe Biden of Delaware faces off with Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Teams of technicians have been working around the clock, trying to figure out how to run an internet cable directly into the back of her skull to feed her the information. Even though Governor Palin is not expected to do particularly well in tomorrow night's debate, she is favored heavily in Friday night's swimsuit competition.
Sarah Palin right now is supposedly at John McCain's house in Arizona getting ready for her debate Thursday night against Joe Biden. Isn't it a little weird that he would have her getting ready at his house? Maybe this whole running mate scheme was a scheme to get her into bed. Maybe John McCain saw a picture of her in like a LensCrafters catalog and said, 'Hey, I'm going to get me some of that.' Why else would you travel to Alaska?
Let's be honest, it is, to the United States what the freezer and the garage is to your house. And pick someone no one's ever heard of before? Sex, that's why. Hot senior on governor sex. Right now they're in the hot tub boning up on foreign policy.
Did you watch the presidential debate on Friday night? 54 million Americans watch it. John McCain had threatened not to show up, but he did show up. For the most part, it looked to me like he was avoiding making eye contact with Barack Obama. Why we don't know. McCain denies it. But that didn't stop the Obama campaign from getting this ad on the air almost the moment the debate was over [video showing spoof ad featuring McCain posing with African Americans; tagline: 'John McCain won't look at black people'].
Barack Obama has begun running campaign ads in video games, such as Madden NFL 09 and Burnout, not to be outdone, McCain has begun putting ads inside MRI machines.
Amy Poehler on the Debates
SNL's First Presidential Debate
SNL's Second Presidential Debate
Click EasyEdit to add your own jokes about the Debates!
Bill Maher on the Debates
Now come on, of all the weeks of the campaign, this was the weirdest. I mean, John McCain has a new BFF, Joe the Plumber. He said the words 'Joe the plumber' 15 times in the debate the other night. I have seen guys less obsessed with the plumber when they thought he was f*cking their wife.But apparently this is John McCain's hail mary. You know, he had to do something, because he was way behind, and this was it. Bringing out this 'every man.' This Joe the plumber, who apparently was on the verge of owning his own plumbing business, which would then be taxed by Obama, and prevent Joe from, as McCain said, living the American dream. Oh yes, I'm snaking out a septic tank, pinch me!
And then today we found out, because McCain is so good at vetting, as we found out with Sarah Palin, that Joe the plumber, turns out, really isn't a licensed plumber, he's in trouble for not paying the taxes that he does owe, he isn't really close to buying any sort of plumbing company, and his name isn't Joe. Or, as the McCain campaign explained it, 'Who is Barack Obama?'
I find this all very disillusioning. The next thing we're going to find out is that Larry the Cable Guy isn't really a cable guy.
The only thing we actually do really know about this Joe the plumber is that he's opinionated, he's extremely conservative, and we're not so sure about the plumbing. Oh my God, he's Ann Coulter!
I tell you, he did not help himself in the debate on Wednesday night, did you see this? Especially with women when he implied that women who get abortions when their life is in danger, are faking it. Did you see that? He literally made air quotes around the phrase 'health of the mother.' Which struck a lot of people as something an 'asshole' would do. Nice 'campaign' you're running there, Mr. 'Maverick.'
But he did have one big moment when he said, 'Senator Obama, I am not President Bush.' My running mate is.
The big headline today is that she 'exceeded expectations,' which is like saying Andy Dick only drank half a bottle of Woolite.
And that folksy thing she does, do you love that? It's like fingernails on a blackboard, isn't it? I don't know. I'm old-fashioned. I believe the vice president is supposed to sound like the host of 'Romper Room.'
She kept saying that she represents Joe Sixpack. You know what, sweetheart? If you get elected, Joe is going to need a lot more than a six pack. He's going to be Joe Prescription Drug Pack.
But this doesn't affect the right-wingers. Today, have you heard what they've been saying about this? I mean, they're in love. Rich Lowry, who is the editor of the National Review, it's kind of a serious publication. Listen to what he said. He said, Palin projects through the screen like crazy. He said, I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when she started dropping her first wink, sat up a little straighter on my couch. And her smile, it was so sparkling, it's like little starbursts through the screen. This man needs to get laid so badly.
I wish these smart Republicans could at least admit they don't want to see her in the White House either. They want to see her splayed out on the hood of a car in a Kenny Chesney video.
But, of course, what she's really not having an effect on is the presidential race. Even though she did well in the debate last night, McCain is still sinking in the polls. He's getting desperate. His new campaign slogan is 'McCain: The White Obama.'
He's getting desperate. His strategy for the next debate, on Tuesday, is after he shakes hands with Obama, he's going to pretend his wallet is missing.
Jimmy Kimmel on the Debates
They remind me a lot, I was thinking about it, of Mr. Drummond and Willis on Different Strokes.Some new developments today regarding Joe the Plumber. That's the guy from Ohio who asked Barack Obama why he wanted to raise taxes on the plumbing business he wants to buy. But now it turns out that Joe is not a licensed plumber, he had to admit that he's 'not even close' to buying the plumbing business, the business does not bring in $250,000 to $280,000 like he said, and his name isn't even Joe -- it's Sam. Turns out the only true thing about 'Joe the Plumber' is 'the.' He's the Sarah Palin of plumbing, is what he is.
This is not your typical debate. Anheuser-Busch, the beer company, underwrote it. They paid for everything, which is a little bit odd, because Cindy McCain, as you may know, owns an Anheuser-Busch wholesaler in Arizona, and also because it's just weird to have alcohol play such a major role in a presidential debate. I don't know much about running for president, but it seems to me that John McCain is not spending nearly enough time working the 'my wife can get us free beer' angle.
The first and only vice presidential debate took place tonight in St. Louis between Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin. It's not too late, by the way, to text in your votes. I voted four times for Sarah Palin and six times for David Archuleta.
Before the debate, Biden's team said his strategy would be to avoid attacking Palin directly and instead, focus on linking John McCain to George Bush and the economy. Palin's people said her strategy would be to stay upwind of Biden, flush him out into an open area, and then go for a clean shot through the lungs. You don't want to mess up the head -- that's the trophy.
This is the first time an Alaskan has ever been on a national ticket, and it also might be the last, depending on how it goes. So across the state of Alaska, all eyes were on the debate. Pipeline workers set aside their wrenches, trappers dropped their beaver pelts, whalers put down their blubber knives, Eskimo families took a break from loading their grandparents onto ice floes. There has not been this much excitement in Alaska since the last time they saw the sun, quite frankly.
The big question, I don't know if anyone has asked yet, while Sarah Palin is yammering it up with Joe Biden in St. Louis, who's keeping an eye on the Russians? I feel very unprotected right now.
Meanwhile, the big question that I don’t know if anyone has asked yet -- while Sarah Palin's yammering it up with Joe Biden in St. Louis, who's keeping an eye on the Russians? What happens if Putin decides to rear his head?
The much-anticipated vice presidential debate takes place tomorrow night in St. Louis. Senator Joe Biden of Delaware faces off with Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Teams of technicians have been working around the clock, trying to figure out how to run an internet cable directly into the back of her skull to feed her the information. Even though Governor Palin is not expected to do particularly well in tomorrow night's debate, she is favored heavily in Friday night's swimsuit competition.
Sarah Palin right now is supposedly at John McCain's house in Arizona getting ready for her debate Thursday night against Joe Biden. Isn't it a little weird that he would have her getting ready at his house? Maybe this whole running mate scheme was a scheme to get her into bed. Maybe John McCain saw a picture of her in like a LensCrafters catalog and said, 'Hey, I'm going to get me some of that.' Why else would you travel to Alaska?
Let's be honest, it is, to the United States what the freezer and the garage is to your house. And pick someone no one's ever heard of before? Sex, that's why. Hot senior on governor sex. Right now they're in the hot tub boning up on foreign policy.
Did you watch the presidential debate on Friday night? 54 million Americans watch it. John McCain had threatened not to show up, but he did show up. For the most part, it looked to me like he was avoiding making eye contact with Barack Obama. Why we don't know. McCain denies it. But that didn't stop the Obama campaign from getting this ad on the air almost the moment the debate was over [video showing spoof ad featuring McCain posing with African Americans; tagline: 'John McCain won't look at black people'].
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Seth Meyers on the Debates
The first presidential debate took place last night, and earlier in the week, Barack Obama said he would be at the debate whether John McCain showed up or not, marking the first time in history that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white one.Barack Obama has begun running campaign ads in video games, such as Madden NFL 09 and Burnout, not to be outdone, McCain has begun putting ads inside MRI machines.
Amy Poehler on the Debates
Last night marked the final debate between Joe Cool and Yosemite Sam.
With just 19 days left until the election, Barack Obama warned supporters today to guard against overconfidence. Then he boarded Air Force One, blasted "We are the Champions," and shouted "I'm the King of the World."
With just 19 days left until the election, Barack Obama warned supporters today to guard against overconfidence. Then he boarded Air Force One, blasted "We are the Champions," and shouted "I'm the King of the World."
SNL's First Presidential Debate
SNL's Second Presidential Debate
