Stephen Colbert on John Edwards

The presidential race has been rocked by the news that two years ago, John Edwards had an extramarital affair with campaign worker Rielle Hunter, who apparently caused a spike in his polling. Hunter produced campaign webisodes about Edwards, a bold idea in 2006. YouTube was brand new, and Edwards lit up cyberspace under the pseudonym 'Lonelyboy15.' But there's an even bigger scandal to this story [on screen: people questioning why the mainstream media ignored the John Edwards story for so long when the National Enquirer picked up on it in October 2007]. Exactly. This was reported in the National Enquirer last October. Why is the mainstream media ignoring the National Enquirer? I mean, look at the latest issue right here [on screen: Colbert holds up the latest cover of the National Enquirer, showing stories on 'plastic surgery shockers']. ... Why isn't the New York Times reporting on what happened to Madonna's face? Oh. Oh, girlfriend, no, no, no. Why didn't CNN pick up on this story on page five about Eva Longoria gaining weight in her attempts to get pregnant? By the way, confidential to Miss Longoria, if you're trying to get pregnant, I recommend making webisodes for John Edwards.

Craig Ferguson on John Edwards

According to rumors, John McCain and Barack Obama are trying to get Angelina Jolie’s endorsement for the campaign, and John Edwards is just trying to get her number.

Conan O'Brien on John Edwards

John Edwards announced that in order not to be a distraction, he's canceling all public appearances until the election is over. Yeah. However, Edwards said he will continue to make all of his private appearances.

It's true, John McCain’s running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has revealed that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. Palin said, 'We should never have introduced her to John Edwards.'

This is a weird story. At the Democratic Convention, Trojan Condoms has set up a pavilion where they're handing out thousands of free condoms. Yeah, apparently they're doing this in case John Edwards shows up.

Jon Stewart on John Edwards

John Edwards, presidential aspirant and author of the famed claim that there are two Americas, was apparently only faithful to his wife in one of them. Apparently he didn't realize that the National Enquirer had reporters stationed in the other America, where he was, in fact, banging his videographer.

Jay Leno on John Edwards

Hey, did you see that a woman recently gave birth to eight babies? And out of force of habit, John Edwards went back into hiding.

Hey, did you see this on the news? In the country of Sierra Leone, six out of ten male newborns at the Freetown main hospital were named Barack Obama. Six out of ten. Even more amazing: at least 23 babies born in North Carolina last year [were] named John Edwards, Jr. How about that?

Well, John Edwards, who was scheduled to speak in October at the University of Illinois, has raised his speaking fee from $55,000 to $65,000. Well, he has another mouth to feed. And another mouth he has to keep quiet.

Well, according to The New York Post, delegates at the Democratic convention received information packets with three separate warnings not to drink too much, because they say alcohol has a much stronger effect in higher altitudes. I guess they didn’t want anyone getting drunk and accidentally sleeping with John Edwards again.

John Edwards was not at the convention, actually. But, like his marriage, he was there in spirit.

Well, Democrats are furious, they're going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down.

Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick will not be going to the Dem convo, yeah, having some problems. As you know he originally got in trouble for allegedly having an affair and lying about it, to which John Edwards said, 'That's illegal?

I thought this was nice, at one point during the (Olympic) ceremony tonight they had 56 children march in, all belonging to John Edwards.

How about this John Edwards thing? Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming?

No, he actually said today about the other woman, he doesn't love her. Oh that's smart, now you've got two women mad at you. Great, way to go.

John Edwards has admitted to having an affair, but he's denying that he is the father of the woman's baby. In fact, he says a member of his campaign staff is the baby's father. Campaign staff, how does that work? What, was Edwards running late that day? Huh? Had to send an advance man in? 'Look, I can’t have sex with you. I'm sending Bob down.

While after vigorously denying reports of his extramarital affair, and calling the story ridiculous, untrue and tabloid trash, John Edwards today admitted he had an affair. And the National Enquirer was the only publication writing about it, the National Enquirer was the first to break it, turns out it was true. You know what this means? Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! Aliens are here! It's all true!

You know what ... it turns out she was his campaign videographer. Yeah, there you go. Think there'll be a sex tape coming soon, huh?

Bill Maher on John Edwards

Yes the Senator with the best hair made a baby with the woman with the worst hair. Edwards cared so much about the poor, he did it with the bag lady.