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President Bush is back in Texas, unemployed like much of the rest of America. Bush reportedly spent the day cataloging his papers, outlining his memoirs, and sketching out plans for his presidential library. Just kidding. He spent four hours seeing how many Reese's Pieces he could hold between his toes. 38, it turns out.

Last night, while their parents were at the inaugural balls, Sasha and Malia Obama, the kids, had their own little party at the White House. They held a scavenger hunt for them and some other kids. And this is the best thing. At the end of the scavenger hunt, they opened door and in a closet waiting for them were the Jonas Brothers. True. I guess they did the same thing with the Bush twins back in 2000, only it was Motley Crue with a tray of Jell-O shots in the closet.

You know, I tell you something, it's silly to say that President Bush was the worst president of all time. We don't know that. All we can say is that he was the worst president so far, right?

President Bush last night made his farewell address to the nation. For 15 minutes, America turned its gaze from the guy who landed the plane in the river to the guy who landed the country in the ditch.

White House decorators are busy right now peeling the glow in the dark stars off the ceiling in the presidential bedroom.

President Bush will soon be gone from the White House, but he's not going to fade away. He's only 62 years old and he says there are still plenty of challenges to fail to meet, there are still goals to fall short of, and people to disappoint.

President Bush has declared an advanced state of emergency in DC from Saturday until Wednesday to allow for extra security for the inauguration. Apparently, the President obtained information from a very reliable source that on Tuesday an unidentified black man is plotting to break into and actually live in the White House for at least four years.

By the way, it seems fitting to me that President Bush would leave Washington, DC, in a state of emergency on the day he leaves office.

The President was on 'Larry King' last night for one last hard-hitting interview before he packs up and tries to find his way back home to Texas. King asked the President if he personally lost money in the stock market. Bush said he has no idea because all his money is in a blind trust managed by a Nigerian prince who's about to collect a huge inheritance.

I like that the President doesn't know where his money is. If he doesn't know where ours is, he shouldn't know where his is either, right?

One week left of President Bush. It's hard to believe we've had eight seasons, but we have had, and the president has been busy saying his good-byes. Yesterday, he gave an unusually candid and animated press conference. As you may know, President Bush was never a big fan of press conferences, because the press didn't ever really understand him, mostly because he makes up his own words [on screen: Bush saying he respects the White House Press Corps, even though he didn't like the stories they wrote. He always said sometimes they 'misunderestimated' him]. I'm really going to miss him. Can't we find a position for him? Something where we still get to hear the stupid stuff, but he actually doesn't make any decisions? I mean, I'm all for change, but I have a show to do here every night.

It was an exciting day for our first lady, who got a new set of plates. First Lady Laura Bush showed off the new, gold-rimmed official state china that cost $493,000. But don't worry, it was paid for by a private trust, funded by lunatics who would donate half a million dollars to buy the White House plates. Mrs. Bush said she'd been hoping to use the china herself, but she ordered it two years ago and it just came, which is what happens when you order your table service from FEMA. But it's probably for the best. You can't trust President Bush with a $3,000 plate.

It was an historic day in Washington, as all four living presidents and our president-elect had lunch together at the White House. Presidents Clinton, Carter, both Bushes, and Barack Obama sat down to share a meal. President Bush was especially excited. It's his place, and when the guys all walked in, he said, 'Hey, you're the guys from the paintings in my office!'

President Bush has less than two months left before he two-steps back to Texas for some serious brush-clearing time. But the president sat down with Charles Gibson of ABC for an interview that aired tonight. Surprisingly, he admitted to some mistakes. He said he was unprepared for how long and how difficult the Iraq war would be, and that he shouldn't have gone to war based on reports that Iraq had WMDs without first asking what WMD stood for.

According to some statistics the government released yesterday, Mexican immigration to the United States has dropped 42 percent over the last two years. And you have to hand it to President Bush, he knew that the way to stop people from sneaking into the country, it's not to build a fence or a wall, it's to make this country very undesirable. Most illegal immigrants come here to make money, but now we don't have any money anymore. That's Number 43 for you, always thinking ahead.

President Bush has exactly two months left in office. His team is already hard at work packing his Legos for the long move back to Texas.

Big goings on at the White House. Yesterday, our President-elect, Barack Obama and his wife Michelle, visited with President and Mrs. Bush. Obama has been very critical of the president. Fortunately, though, the president cannot read, so he didn't know about it.

The only awkward moment was when Bush complicated Obama on his campaign, he said, you did a heck of a job, Brownie.

Obama said his favorite part of the tour was when the president showed him the secret dial under his desk that he uses to control the price of gasoline.

This country is a mess. We all know that, but I'll tell you something, Barack Obama is not wasting one moment trying to clean it up. He was elected on Tuesday night. Already, he's selected his chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel. He is said to be close to naming the secretary of the treasury, the secretary of state and a newly created position, secretary of kicking out George Bush.

Obama held his first news conference today as president-elect. Some veteran White House reporters were actually a little bit confused, because he didn't make up any words and almost everything he said made sense.

President Bush called Sen. Obama last night to congratulate him and this is an actual quote. He said, “What an awesome night for you and your family.” I think his eloquence is what we will remember most about Bush.

Obama thanked the President for his call and for all he did to help him get elected.

Hey if you think about it, President Bush is at least partially responsible for us having our first black president, so never let it be said he didn't accomplish anything. Maybe George Bush doesn't hate black people after all.

Bush invited Obama to come visit him at the White House, which was a nice thing to do. He wants to show him, I guess, the presidential tree house and teach him how to turn the Oval Office couch cushions into a fort. All the fun stuff.Some good unemployment news, President Bush will be out of work soon.

President George Wilhelmina Bush is in China right now. He’s been in Asia this week, with his wife Laura, his daughter Barbara, and the guy who ties his shoes. They are there to watch the Olympics. Now, this may be the last major trip of the Bush Presidency. He is scheduled to take a day trip to Legoland in October, but this is the last big one.

President Bush, this is interesting, was going to make history, he becomes the first sitting U.S. president to attend the Olympics in a foreign country. He said he's been looking forward to it, ever since he heard that in China, people are not allowed to make fun of political leaders.


President Bush is on the hunt for a new home. He just found out he and Laura are going to have to move out of the White House in a few months. His massive plan of foreclosures and plummeting real estate prices finally paid off.