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The Democratic National Convention is underway in Denver, Colorado. Thousands of pounds of confetti and styrofoam hats and hookers have been shipped in from all over the world. That's what they do at conventions. It wouldn't be a convention without it. I tell you what, the word 'convention' now doesn't seem right to me unless it's preceded by the words 'Star Trek,' right? And since this is the first DNC to feature an African-American nominee, some are calling it the 'Run-DNC.'

The Olympics start the Friday after next -- pollution permitting. For some reason, they're
having them in Beijing, which means the Chinese government right now is very hard at work trying to cover up all the horrible things about their country . It's like when your mom comes to visit your dorm room.

George Bush Jokes by Jimmy Kimmel.