Born April 29, 1954, in New York, Seinfeld is best known for playing a fictional version of himself on his long-running eponymous sitcom.


TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a t-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.


Horse racing... now here's something idiotic. I have no idea which horse is gonna win. I don't even think the horses know they're racing. It's not like they're going back to the barn going "I was first" "I was second"...you cut me off there, watch that, next time I'll kick your ass." I'll tell you one thing the horses don't know--that if they fall and break their leg, we're gonna blow their brains out. I think they're missing that vital piece of information... if they did know, you'd see some mighty careful stepping going down that backstretch.


What the hell were they doin' with a car on the g-d damn moon? You're on the moon already! Isn't that far enough?

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people... theirthey're stickinstickin' with the chopsticks.

WhatsWhat's with the cab drivers and b.o.?B.O.? justJust how long are these shifts? itsIt's like they just get in the cab and drive til'til they are dead. thenThen they always have that cherry popit on the dashboard. Like thatsthat's suppose to be some kind of an improvement. Now you've got the cherry flavored b.o. ...B.O. I can't even imagine fruit going that long without a shower.

The Olympics is really my favorite sporting event. Although I think I have a problem with that silver medal. 'Cause when you think about it, you win the gold-you feel good, you win the bronze-you think "Well at least I got something." But when you win that silver it's like "Congratulations, you ‘almost’ won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You're the number one ‘loser.’ No one lost ahead of you!"