Are you buying this whole Joe the plumber thing? McCain said he's worried about Joe the plumber's income. His income? Anybody here ever gotten a bill from a plumber and go, 'Well, this is way too low. Put a few more zeros. Put something down there for yourself.'

Well, actually, Joe the plumber, not his real name. Actually, his full name, Joe Hussein the plumber.

And, of course, all this media attention is going to his head. In fact, today, he now wants to be known as 'the plumber formerly known as Joe.'

You know why I think Republicans are so obsessed with this Joe the plumber? I think they're relieved to be able to talk about a guy who gets down on his knees in front of a toilet and it's not Senator Larry Craig.

If you watched the debate last night, you know John McCain kept talking about this guy Senator Obama met on the campaign trail named Joe the Plumber. Do you know the saddest part about the Joe the plumber story? Last month he was an investment banker.

Joe the Plumber has been all over the place. He's been on 'Good Morning America,' he's on Fox News. He was talking to the Associated Press. This plumber has done more interviews in one day than Sarah Palin has done since being chosen by John McCain.

McCain kept talking about how he could help this man, how he could help him. You know, if McCain really wanted to help this guy, you know what you should do? Just have him re-pipe all of McCain's houses. That would be a job for life.

Turns out, Joe the plumber, his name is not Joe and he is not a licensed plumber, and he owes back taxes. So it sounds like he has the best plan to reduce taxes: don't pay them.

Well, there was rumors going around that he might be a plant. But today President Bush said, no, no, no, he's human.

I thought it was the best debate of the three debates so far. And the moderator was Bob Schieffer, did a great job. And of course, McCain was thrilled. For once, he was not the oldest guy there.

The last presidential debate is tomorrow night. The debate is gonna be sponsored in part by Anheuser Busch. I guess they were thinking the first two debates were so boring, people need to get good and liquored up before they watch it.

McCain criticized Barack Obama for saying he would invade Pakistan to go after Bin Laden. McCain said he would never telegraph his punches. Well, telegraph maybe, e-mail no.

Everybody's still talking about the presidential debate the other night. How boring it was. Expects say neither candidate scored a knockout punch. Well, I don't know about that. After about ten minutes, I was out like a light.

Hey, did you all watch the debate last night between Barack Obama and John McCain? You know, all the networks had their own spin on it. Like, ABC called it 'Dancing Around the Questions.' I thought that was pretty good. MTV billed it as 'Ebony and History.'

And it was broadcast live from Nashville. You know, I don't want to say the debate was boring. But I never thought a political event in Tennessee could be that dull without the help of Al Gore.

Boy, that was dull, wasn't it? Oh, my God. I guess this time they went with the town hall format. They use that because they say it demonstrates the next president's ability to think and talk at the same time. Or as President Bush calls that, 'showing off.'

It got a little heated at one point during the debate. McCain talked about experience and he said, 'We don't have time for on-the-job training.' Then why did you pick Sarah Palin?

Of course, Barack Obama criticized John McCain for singing 'Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran.' Remember that? Ironically, it's now the number one song in Israel.

And the only really new proposal last night came from John McCain. McCain proposed buying up bad homeowner mortgages. Not to save the middle class. You know McCain, he just likes buying houses.

Tonight's presidential debate took place in Nashville, Tennessee, which is perfect, 'cause the economy right now is kind of like a bad country song, isn't it? 'I lost my girl, I lost the house, the dog died, the trailer's gone.'

Tonight's presidential debate was actually what they called town hall style, which means instead of ignoring the moderator's questions, the candidates can ignore the voters directly. No, it's a town hall format, which is John McCain's favorite way to speak to crowds, as opposed to Barack Obama's favorite way, a sermon on the mount. See, it's a little different.

During the vice presidential debate, Sarah Palin would wink a couple of times when she delivered a line. Did you see that? She'd kinda wink and try to use a little sex appeal. See, the other candidates could never get away with that. Like, if Barack Obama winked, that would seen as too condescending. If Joe Biden winked, it'd be too creepy. And if McCain started winking, everybody would think he was having a stroke.

During the debate the other night, the moderator asked Sarah Palin to describe her Achilles heel, but instead of talking about her biggest weakness, she talked about her greatest strength, which apparently is not answering questions.

Hey, did you all watch the vice presidential debate last night? Yeah, there was nothing embarrassing from either candidate. Damn! No, political analysts say it was a strong debate by both candidates and there were no losers, okay, other than gay people who want to get married.

Sarah Palin seemed genuinely happy to be there. She said she was privileged. And it was a thrill for Joe Biden too. I mean, he got to talk directly to the American people on television, just the way FDR did when the stock market crashed in 1929.

And, of course, both sides are spinning it, you know. The Republicans say, 'Oh, Joe Biden got beaten by a girl.' And Democrats are crying elder abuse. Yeah, I guess it's all pretty fair.

Sarah Palin kept winking at the camera. See that? She kept winking all the time. For a minute, I thought maybe John McCain had been captured again and she was trying it to send some kind of a signal.

They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, 'Oh, what a coincidence, that's how I got picked.'

Of course, the most controversial thing Sarah Palin said last night was she felt the vice president should have more power. More power? Dick Cheney is shooting people in the face and doesn't even get arrested. You cannot get any more powerful than that.

John McCain said he watched the debate from his living room at his home in Arizona. He said he would have applauded Sarah Palin, but every time he clapped at home, the lights go on and off.

Earlier tonight, they held the vice presidential debate. I understand that Sarah Palin has been preparing all week at John McCain's ranch in Arizona. She said looking out at the desert gave her a real feel for the Middle East.

The vice presidential debate is tomorrow night. Joe Biden already gearing up. I understand he went to the hair salon, told the guy to put a little more on top just to get ready.

Sarah Palin, she's getting ready for tomorrow's debate, too. I understand she now knows all three branches of government.

I love the way the moderator, Jim Lehrer, tried to get both candidates to talk to each other. What are we in couples-counseling now? Tell him how that made you feel.

Sarah Palin actually watched the debates very closely. Actually she watched with one eye the debate and the other eye across on Russia, because you never know.

A lot of Republicans are worried about how Sarah Palin's gonna do in the vice-presidential debate this Thursday. See you know what she should do if she was smart? This what I would do if I were Sarah Palin. This is what I would tell her. Let Joe Biden have the first question, he'll take 90 minutes to answer, oh, we're out of time! Who could have seen that coming?

Did you all watch the presidential debate Friday night? You know, a lot of analysts were calling it a tie; they say neither man stumbled. That's how low the bar is now. Apparently not stumbling is considered a huge accomplishment in politics. He didn't stumble, fantastic!

Tonight was the big debate between John McCain and Barack Obama. They billed it had as the crowd pleaser versus the old geezer. Kind of a tough one to do.

And you know, John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the economic crisis is over. And Sarah Palin now wants to suspend her debate with Joe Biden until she can find Europe on a map. So we'll see what happens there.

John McCain wants to postpone Friday night's presidential debate. And he has temporarily suspended his campaign. Yeah, so, apparently, this news about Clay Aiken being gay has affected him more than anybody thought.