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| Version | User | Scope of changes |
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| Nov 28 2008, 10:48 PM EST | katia2525 | 730 words added, 1 photo added |
| Nov 28 2008, 10:41 PM EST | katia2525 |
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More Bill Clinton Jokes | More Jokes by Jay Leno | Hillary Clinton Jokes
It's now being reported that Hillary Clinton will accept the position of secretary of state. Actually, this works out great for the Clintons. While Hillary is concentrating on foreign affairs, Bill can get back to concentrating on domestic affairs.
As you know, President-elect Obama promised his daughters a puppy if they move to the White House. And he's already getting advice on what the best breed of dog to get. For example, today, President Clinton told him the Oval Office is a great place for a husky female.
President-elect Obama promised his daughters a puppy when they move into the White House. You see that, he promised them a puppy. There's a long tradition of presidential pets. The first President Bush had Millie. Remember Millie, the White House dog? The current Bushes have two dogs, named Barney and Scott. Do you know the name of the dog in the Clinton White House? Bill. Bill was the dog.
Anybody get a robo-call from Bill Clinton? They had those out there, too. See, I knew it was from Clinton right away, because if a man answers, it automatically hangs up.
According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama.
Sarah Palin told a crowd yesterday, when she campaigns, she doesn't wear her wedding ring because the shape of it hurts her finger when she's shaking a lot of hands. And Bill said to Hillary, 'See! I told you I wasn't making it up.'
Political pundits say Colin Powell is the biggest political figure to endorse Barack Obama since Bill and Hillary. And the only one of those three that will actually vote for him.
Al Gore spoke at Bill Clinton's forum on global warming last week. I don't want to say Al's put on a few pounds, but I understand Bill hit on him.
Bill Clinton was on 'The View' today for the whole hour. It was a frustrating appearance for Clinton. It turns out the young, pretty one is a conservative.
This is so stupid. They always ask voters, 'which candidate would you rather have a beer with?' You want to have a beer with any politicians, really? Look, you know McCain. He'd order a Budweiser, and then future generations would have to pay for it. Barack Obama would order some fancy European beer we couldn't afford. Sarah Palin would order a moosehead and a shot. Clinton, he's still trying to tap the keg. You know, so why would you want to drink with any of these people?
The campaign is coming down to one very important issue: putting makeup on farm animals. That seems to be where we're at. Oh, this is so stupid. Did you hear about this? Yesterday, Barack Obama attacked John McCain's policies, implying it's more of the same by saying ... you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. To which Bill Clinton said, 'You know, I've tried that, and you're right.'
I guess they're getting a little worried at the Barack Obama campaign. It's so close now. I guess Barack plans to have lunch with Bill Clinton in New York later this week. And that's got to be a little uncomfortable, don't you think? I mean, you have someone who had a strained relationship with Hillary, having lunch with the Democratic presidential nominee. That could be a little tricky.
And the big guns are out. The Democrats have sent Hillary to Florida to go after Sarah Palin. So, that makes two Clintons trying to nail her now.
Joe Lieberman, who ran in 2000 as a Democrat with Al Gore, remember he was the vice presidential nominee, spoke last night at the Republican Convention. A Democrat at the Republican Convention. That's like Bill Clinton speaking at a sexual abstinence rally.
And last night during his speech, Bill Clinton promised to do everything he could to help Barack Obama win the election. And then Hillary said: “That’s nice. But you know Bill. Keeping promises is not his strong suit.
Bill Clinton spoke to the convention earlier tonight. It was Wednesday, I guess the organizers figured, 'Well that's fitting, I mean, Wednesday is Hump Day.
As you know, President-elect Obama promised his daughters a puppy if they move to the White House. And he's already getting advice on what the best breed of dog to get. For example, today, President Clinton told him the Oval Office is a great place for a husky female.
President-elect Obama promised his daughters a puppy when they move into the White House. You see that, he promised them a puppy. There's a long tradition of presidential pets. The first President Bush had Millie. Remember Millie, the White House dog? The current Bushes have two dogs, named Barney and Scott. Do you know the name of the dog in the Clinton White House? Bill. Bill was the dog.
Anybody get a robo-call from Bill Clinton? They had those out there, too. See, I knew it was from Clinton right away, because if a man answers, it automatically hangs up.
According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama.
Sarah Palin told a crowd yesterday, when she campaigns, she doesn't wear her wedding ring because the shape of it hurts her finger when she's shaking a lot of hands. And Bill said to Hillary, 'See! I told you I wasn't making it up.'
Political pundits say Colin Powell is the biggest political figure to endorse Barack Obama since Bill and Hillary. And the only one of those three that will actually vote for him.
Al Gore spoke at Bill Clinton's forum on global warming last week. I don't want to say Al's put on a few pounds, but I understand Bill hit on him.
Bill Clinton was on 'The View' today for the whole hour. It was a frustrating appearance for Clinton. It turns out the young, pretty one is a conservative.
This is so stupid. They always ask voters, 'which candidate would you rather have a beer with?' You want to have a beer with any politicians, really? Look, you know McCain. He'd order a Budweiser, and then future generations would have to pay for it. Barack Obama would order some fancy European beer we couldn't afford. Sarah Palin would order a moosehead and a shot. Clinton, he's still trying to tap the keg. You know, so why would you want to drink with any of these people?
The campaign is coming down to one very important issue: putting makeup on farm animals. That seems to be where we're at. Oh, this is so stupid. Did you hear about this? Yesterday, Barack Obama attacked John McCain's policies, implying it's more of the same by saying ... you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. To which Bill Clinton said, 'You know, I've tried that, and you're right.'
I guess they're getting a little worried at the Barack Obama campaign. It's so close now. I guess Barack plans to have lunch with Bill Clinton in New York later this week. And that's got to be a little uncomfortable, don't you think? I mean, you have someone who had a strained relationship with Hillary, having lunch with the Democratic presidential nominee. That could be a little tricky.
And the big guns are out. The Democrats have sent Hillary to Florida to go after Sarah Palin. So, that makes two Clintons trying to nail her now.
Joe Lieberman, who ran in 2000 as a Democrat with Al Gore, remember he was the vice presidential nominee, spoke last night at the Republican Convention. A Democrat at the Republican Convention. That's like Bill Clinton speaking at a sexual abstinence rally.
And last night during his speech, Bill Clinton promised to do everything he could to help Barack Obama win the election. And then Hillary said: “That’s nice. But you know Bill. Keeping promises is not his strong suit.
Bill Clinton spoke to the convention earlier tonight. It was Wednesday, I guess the organizers figured, 'Well that's fitting, I mean, Wednesday is Hump Day.
