Click EasyEdit to add your own International News Jokes!

See Also:
George W. Bush Shoe Incident
Jokes about the Economy
Jokes about the Election
Jokes about Republicans
Jokes about Democrats
Jokes about Barack Obama
Jokes about George W. Bush
Political Jokes


Bush, Germany and China in the News

Jay Leno on International News

And I love this story. Former French President Jacques Chirac was rushed to the hospital after being mauled by his clinically depressed poodle. See that's how you know that the French are not fighters, okay? When their leader is attacked by a maniacal poodle.

Osama bin Laden has released a new tape where he displays a shortness of breath, and experts say it raises questions about his health. See, that's how you know this war has been going on too long, okay. When our enemies start dying of natural causes.

ABC has a new reality show about how our government protects our borders, waterways, and airports. Have you seen this? It's called 'Homeland Security USA,' or, as they call it in Afghanistan, 'the Terrorist Learning Channel.'

Well, that's the name of the show: 'Homeland Security USA.' I think that's better than the original title, which was 'Hey, Not So Fast, Ahmed.'

And a special holiday message was delivered by the Iranian president. It aired on British TV Christmas Day, and in this message, the Iranian president said that if Jesus were alive today, he would be standing next to him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure Jesus would be wearing an 'I'm With Stupid' t-shirt, too.

As you know, Israel is at war with Hamas. Israel says the reason they attacked Gaza was, they were sick of being hit by Palestinian missiles. You know who is really tired of it? The manager of the Target store in Jerusalem. He's fed up.

And it's not just here in America. Queen Elizabeth has announced that the economy is so bad in England, she is asking all members of the royal family to reduce their spending, otherwise, they would face the ultimate disaster, you know, having to get a real job.

Been a lot of stories from Germany about how America has come to terms with its past and is beginning to make up for it. Now look. I know our country is not perfect, but we do a pretty good job working out our problems. Do we need a lecture from Germany? When they elect a Jewish chancellor, give me a call. Okay?

Well, in international news, the man considered to be the leader of the Taliban inside of Pakistan, has died of kidney failure. See, that's when you know the war on terrorism has gone on for too long. When our enemies are dying of natural causes.

And the Iranian president, Mahmoud I'm-a-nut-job -- isn't that his name? Am I saying it right? I think I'm saying it right -- has offered to debate John McCain and Barack Obama when he's in New York next week. To which Ralph Nader said, 'What? You can challenge them to a debate?'

Hey, no sign of the North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. A lot of speculation. Nobody's seen him. They say if he is not in the public eye for at least six months, you know what happens? He winds up on 'Dancing with the Stars.'

In international news, 60% of the people in the country of Jordan say they find Americans to be rude. Actually, that's not so bad, when you consider 60% of people in other Middle Eastern countries think we're Satan. ...We're moving up!

David Letterman on International News

Osama bin Laden will not go away. There is a brand new bin Laden tape, and they've authenticated it. They know it's a recent tape because bin Laden describes Salma Hayak as 'smokin' hot' on the Golden Globes.

Five years ago tomorrow, I believe, you know what it was? We have an anniversary. They captured Saddam Hussein. Captured Saddam Hussein. Yeah. You know who gets a really big kick out of that? ... Bin Laden. He just thinks that's the funniest thing.

Listen to this, a guy in North Carolina, a mailman, a Federal employee, a postal worker, was arrested and put in jail. You know why? He would deliver regular mail, but he wouldn't deliver junk mail. They got the guy, they arrested him, and they put him in prison. We got that guy, but still no word on bin Laden.

Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is apparently ill, rumored to be ill. And he's in the hospital today. And his condition has been downgraded from serious to ugly.

But they say Ahmadinejad is exhausted from overwork. And you know, thank God that will never happen to George Bush.

You know who else is in town at the U.N.? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and I believe this is his first visit to New York City since his 1970s affair with Barbara Walters.

I would like to say a couple of words about Ahmadinejad, those words being short and ugly.

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad also spoke at the U.N. earlier today. Do you know anything about Ahmadinejad? He is so humorless. I mean, just completely nothing. Absolutely void of humor. So they've asked him to host next year's Emmys.

Did you know that? Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. This is a guy who hates Jews and gays. Boy, is he in the wrong town. Good luck.

Conan O'Brien on International News

According to a new study, there's been an increase in the number of illegal Mexican immigrants living in Canada. Yeah. Yeah, you got the hand it to them. That must be some tunnel.

Latest rumor in Washington is that President-elect Barack Obama may open up trade with Cuba. This is great news for anyone looking to buy a black-and-white television.

Today, the United Nations approved a resolution to lift the sanctions against Iraq. ... Yeah, the move will allow Iraqis to buy things they don't have, such as medicine and weapons of mass destruction.

Guantanamo Baywatch - The Final Season	Oliver's Travels - Kenya
Joe the Plumber Deals with the Middle East Crisis	Gitmo's World
Strip Maul	Baby New Year 2009
Indecision Oh-Eh?	Provinces in Peril
International Male	Mumbai Tragedy
Mess O'Potamia - Iraq Surrenders	The Buccaneer Stops Here - Somali Pirates

Stephen Colbert on International News

Stephen's Secret Prison	It Could Be Worse: Iceland
Cold War Update: Cuba	UnAmerican News: Obama Edition
War in Afghanistan	Pakistani Threat - Bob Graham