The Senate has confirmed Hillary Clinton as secretary of state. That means Hillary will be fourth in line for the presidency, after vice president, speaker of the house, and president pro-temp of the Senate, she is next. Which means they're going to need extra security to protect the vice president, speaker of the house, and senate pro-temp of the Senate.

The largest donor at the Clinton library turns out to be Saudi Arabia. Yeah. Well, some critics argue that such close financial ties to the Mideast could be a conflict of interest. However, Hillary Clinton says she will not advocate Arab policies. Except, you know, the practice of stoning adulterers.

It is freezing everywhere. It was so cold in Washington, even Bill and Hillary were snuggling.

In political news, it looks like Hillary Clinton accepted Barack Obama's offer to be secretary of state. Very exciting. She accepted after Barack Obama's vetting process could not find any link between her and Bill Clinton.

The word is that Hillary Clinton does want the job as secretary of state. And as you know, the secretary of state serves at the pleasure of the president, to which Bill said, 'Yeah, that will be a first.'

The latest rumor is that Barack Obama has offered the job of secretary of state to Hillary Clinton. But that's kind of sad, don't you think? I mean think how close Hillary Clinton came to being the first female president of the United States. Her next job offer, oh, a secretary.

Actually, I think Hillary Clinton would be a great secretary of state. You know, she can cackle in seven different languages.

The big rumor in Washington is that Barack Obama is considering Hillary Clinton to replace Condoleezza Rice as his secretary of state. How about that, huh? That would make Hillary the new white rice, I guess.

And there's a new rumor that Hillary Clinton may end up Secretary of State, which means she would have to spend the next four years traveling all around the world. To which Bill said, 'Yes!'

Political pundits say Colin Powell is the biggest political figure to endorse Barack Obama since Bill and Hillary. And the only one of those three that will actually vote for him.

Hillary Clinton said on Fox News there's no chance of her running for president again -- this year.

Obama says there is nothing to the accusations of a friendship with '60s radical Bill Ayers. He says Ayers is a person he knew early in his career, but now plays no role in his campaign. You know, kinda like the Clintons.

Hillary Clinton canceled an appearance at an upcoming rally next week in New York after learning that Sarah Palin would be there. And ironically, Bill Clinton had previously canceled after finding out Hillary would be there.

I tell you, you know who's got to be depressed about all of this? Hillary Clinton. I mean, look at this woman. She works hard, goes to Wellesley, goes to Yale, graduates with honors, devotes her entire life to public service. Now she's starting to realize if she had just put on some makeup and shot a moose, she'd be on her way to the White House.

We love Joe Biden. But he put his foot in his mouth the other day, again. When out on the campaign trail, he told a crowd of people that, 'Hillary Clinton might have been a better pick for vice president.' To which Hillary said, 'It's not too late!'

Well it's now being reported that in exchange for Hillary's support, if he is elected, Barack Obama will make Hillary Clinton a Supreme Court judge. Has he thought this through? You know the Clintons: if she gets on the Supreme Court, she could demand a recount and declare herself the winner. It's happened before.

Quite a historic day. Barack Obama accepted the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. Barack gave his speech on the historic anniversary of Martin Luther King’s 'I Have a Dream' speech. And just two days after Hillary Clinton gave her 'I Had a Dream' speech.

There's now talk John McCain may choose a woman as his running mate. So there's hope for Hillary yet, she is not out of out.

I thought Hillary Clinton gave a great speech last night, terrific speech. That tangerine-colored pantsuit she was wearing, maybe I'm wrong, but didn't Elton John wear that at the Grammys last year?

As you all know by now, Barack Obama sent out a cell phone text message at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning to tell everyone he picked Joe Biden as his vice president. How do you think this makes Hillary Clinton feel, huh? Finally, she gets a telephone call at 3 a.m., it's to tell her they picked Joe Biden.

Well you know at the Democratic Convention this week in Denver, both Bill and Hillary will be speaking. Not to each other, of course.

Hillary Clinton was shown at a bar in Indiana drinking a beer, and doing a shot of whiskey. Hey, and it worked. Today, Ted Kennedy switched back. "I'm for Hillary now!"

Did you all see that? She took the shot with the beer chaser. Did it like an old pro. To give you an idea how much she drank, when the phone rang at 3 AM, slept right through it.

Barack Obama is now considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her.

But you know something? I think Hillary may secretly be glad that this whole thing is over. 'Cause now she can go back to doing what she loves the most: huntin', drinkin' whiskey, shootin', get back to her roots, as we saw. Well, the good news is Hillary is on Barack Obama's list for potential vice presidents. Yeah. The bad news, she's just a little bit below the Reverend Wright.

In an upcoming interview with the gay magazine The Advocate, Hillary Clinton says the rumors about her being a lesbian are not true and she says she's never had sex with a woman, no matter how many times Bill has begged her to.

Hillary Clinton speaking out on this. She has mixed feelings about Dubai. On one hand, they hate Israel. On the other hand, they stone adulterers.

Hillary Clinton said today she finds the administration's refusal to level with the American people troubling, but she also finds it somewhat nostalgic.

Hillary Clinton blasted the vice president today for failing to disclose all the facts. She wants Dick Cheney to give exact details. You know like, "How do you shoot someone and make it look like an accident?

In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk.

Hillary Clinton said this week that she doesn't agree with either the people who say we should be in Iraq or her friends who say we should be out. Thanks for clearing that up. Think she's running for president? Even John Kerry said, "Pick a position!

Well, as reported, some Democrats are quietly sending word to Hillary that it's over. And Hillary's people said it's not over until the fat lady sings. To which Bill said, "There's a fat lady? Where?"

Well, the talk is that Hillary Clinton is going to try and help unite the party. She's going to unite the party. But today Bill Clinton says, according to his experience, the party is usually over whenever Hillary shows up.

And Hillary Clinton's camp says she is not actively seeking the vice presidential nomination. Passive-aggressively seeking it, yes.

There's a lot of pressure on Barack Obama to put Hillary on the ticket. Even his advisers are telling him that Hillary can deliver the woman vote. And, of course, Bill can deliver the other woman vote. So between the two of them, that's, you know, that's a lot of women.

Even though she won yesterday, Hillary Clinton's campaign is now $10 million in debt. $10 million in debt, and, ironically, her big issue: "I can handle the economy."

Hillary Clinton continually reminds voters that she has been tested. Which makes sense. You never know what Bill might have brought home.

Hillary Clinton was in Philadelphia, where she told the crowd she is like the movie character Rocky. Now, if I remember the movie correctly, doesn't Rocky get the crap beat out of him and then he loses to the black guy?

According to the New York Post, Hillary Clinton used three private jets in a single day in a campaign swing through South Carolina. And today, she was officially named a Hollywood environmentalist.

Hillary now says that she just made an honest mistake when she said she had to duck sniper fire in Bosnia. There was no hostile fire of any kind. Although, ironically, while she was away, Bill Clinton did see some action.

Political experts are now saying it's almost impossible for Hillary Clinton to win, and everyone is urging her to call it quits and go home to Bill. Except, of course, Bill. "Stay out there, honey!"

During her speech last night, you know, Hillary kept referring to Barack as "my friend, my friend." You notice, every time she called Barack "my friend," she said it in the same tone as when she calls Bill, "my husband."

Hillary Clinton has been hinting that she and Barack Obama might share the Democratic ticket with her in the number one position. She feels Barack Obama deserves some sort of consolation prize for getting the most votes and being the most popular.

According to a biography of Hillary by Carl Bernstein, Bill Clinton planned to divorce Hillary. And when asked why she stayed married, Hillary was quoted as saying, "There are worse things than infidelity." To which Bill Clinton said, "Yeah. Fidelity."

Hillary Clinton out on the campaign trail. She's very sly. You know, she's been campaigning about Black History Month, and she said today that America has come so far that a black man could one day grow up and possibly be vice president of the United States.

Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home: Barack Obama.

In a speech this week, Hillary Clinton blasted the Bush White House as one of the worst in history. I tell you, this is the hardest Hillary's been on any president she wasn't married to.

Congratulations to Hillary Clinton. The big winner up there in New Hampshire. Congratulations to her, did a a nice job. Yeah, despite all the predictions by the pundits, Hillary Clinton refused to roll over. How many times has Bill heard that?

As you know, Hillary has lost the last eight primaries in a row. So, any crying you see from now on is going to be real.

Hillary Clinton said today that public appearances with her and Bill would be rare. The only thing more rare? Private appearances with her and Bill.

Last week, it got a little dramatic. Senator Hillary Clinton called General Petraeus a liar. And believe this, if there's one thing she knows, it's how to spot a guy who's lying.

Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton's former business partners can vote for her in 2008.

Because it's a long, horrifying process to run for the nomination, candidates often like to have fun on the campaign trail. And a couple of days ago, this is great, Hillary Clinton, while she was flying on her campaign airplane, pretended to be a flight attendant. But that's not all. She was so convincing that Bill actually hit on her.

All the other Democratic candidates are continuing to attack Hillary Clinton. In fact, in the debate the other night, they accused Hillary Clinton of having things both ways. Which is ironic, 'cause Bill's been trying to talk her into that for years.

Presidential candidate Barack Obama went door to door in Iowa over the weekend to talk about his opposition to the war and gain votes. Hillary Clinton also went door to door, not looking for votes, trying to find her husband.

Although Hillary Clinton set the mark by raising $26 million for her presidential campaign in the first quarter of 2007, Mitt Romney, the Republican, was right behind her with $23 million. That's something Hillary hasn't felt in 20 years: a man breathing down her neck.

Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton: when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank.

A New Jersey company has developed an inhaler they say increases sex drive in women. They say it stimulates the brain to make you want to have sex with your partner. It's an inhaler. You know what the means? One day on the campaign trail, Hillary may be able to claim she never inhaled either.

In an unlikely pairing, Hillary Clinton made an appearance this week with Newt Gingrich to push a health care plan. The press is making a big deal out this thing with Newt but, hey, if anyone knows how to appear in public with a man she can't stand, it's Hillary.

In an interview over the weekend on Japanese television, Bill Clinton said Hillary would make a great president. Lousy intern ,but great, great president.

Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else.

At the national portrait gallery in Washington, D.C. new portraits were unveiled of former President Clinton and First Lady Hillary Clinton. The Smithsonian said that the portraits of Bill and Hillary will not hang in the same room. Boy, talk about art reflecting life.

Things aren't looking good for Hillary. Like a lot of women in Washington, I think she's just starting to realize she may have slept with Bill Clinton for nothing.

I'm surprised they did a portrait of Hillary. I thought maybe an ice sculpture would have been more appropriate.

Hillary Clinton said today that she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving the Arabs advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Can you believe that? Hillary was clueless about a major political event. You know what that means. she could really be the next president of the United States.

More problems for Hillary Clinton. The head of New York state's leading gay rights group describes Hillary Clinton as a disappointment on same-sex marriage. Today, her husband bill described her as a disappointment on opposite sex marriage.

Sen. Hillary Clinton called for President Bush to begin pulling troops out of Iraq next year. And let me tell you something, when it comes to telling a president when to pull out, no one has more experience than Hillary Clinton.

In speech earlier this at Harvard, Bill Clinton said he has no idea if Hillary will run for president. But he says if he ever sees her again he'll certainly ask.

While President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator.

While visiting Kenya, former President Clinton was offered 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter, Chelsea, by a love struck government official. Bill said, "No way!" How does that make Hillary feel? Bill almost gave her up for one cow.

Presidential experts say Hillary Clinton will soon form a presidential exploratory committee. Actually, that's not new. She's formed presidential exploratory committees before, when trying to find her husband.

Hillary Clinton's campaign has issued a statement saying she and Bill will be together this weekend in Selma, Alabama, which will be their first joint appearance together in a month. That's when you know you have a bad marriage, when you have to put out a press release saying you'll be together for the weekend. You need cameras to record it, in case people don't believe you.

The Democratic Leadership Council has named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to design a plan to help define an agenda to the Democratic party. Although Bill said today, in his experience, whenever Hillary enters the picture that's when the party ends.

Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said he wants to be buried next to Hillary. I guess he figures he never slept next to her when they were alive, might as well try it now that they're dead.

There is a new book out about Hillary Clinton that claims Bill is still having affairs but Hillary continues to look the other way. The only problem is when Hillary does look the other way Bill's having sex with a women over there too.

Well, the big story: Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed.

Of course, the big question political experts are asking now is what role will Bill Clinton play in Hillary's campaign. I'm guessing "the cheating husband."

According to this week's Newsweek magazine, Hillary's campaign refuses to consider Bill Clinton's infidelity. They called it "the elephant in the room that no one wants to address." Which is what got Clinton in trouble in the first place, the elephant in the room.

Hillary Clinton's campaign wants Barack Obama to publicly renounce Hollywood producer David Geffen's statement attacking the Clintons. Geffen said, "I know everyone in politics has to lie, but the Clintons do it with such ease, it's troubling." I think that's an unfair statement. Just because you're really good at something doesn't mean it's easy.

It looks like Hollywood is starting to turn on Hillary Clinton. Hollywood mogul David Geffen, he's given huge amounts to the Clintons, told columnist Maureen Dowd of the New York Times that Hillary Clinton is too scripted, that Bill Clinton is reckless, and both of the Clintons lie so easily it's troubling. Bad scripts, reckless behavior, and lying: thank God that kind of thing can never happen here in Hollywood.

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has proposed $5,000 be given to every baby born in the United States. And today, Republicans attacked Hillary's plan, saying what babies need are jobs, not handouts. $5,000? Imagine that. Remember when politicians just kissed babies? Now we have to pay them off too.

Justice Department officials have determined that a president of the United States does have the legal authority to have someone killed in the United States. And today, Bill Clinton withdrew his support for Hillary.

Hillary Clinton announced she is running for president of the United States, which isn't a surprise to many people, except maybe those who just voted her for a second term as senator.

It's official. Hillary Clinton is running for president of the United States. She said on her Web site, "I'm in it to win." That may seem obvious, but for Democrats running for president, they have to keep reminding themselves.

Hillary says she has gotten hundreds of calls telling her to go out on the road and campaign for the next two years. And that's just from her husband, Bill.

Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I'm not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton, wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?

Hillary Clinton's making calls, hiring staff and getting ready to travel to Iowa to launch her campaign. She'll be on the road nonstop for the next two years. How is Bill going to manage stuck home all alone? He's going to be heartbroken.