Hillary gave a rousing speech, it was so passionate, emotional, I'm telling you, Nancy Pelosi's face almost moved.

And then what they did, they showed an inspirational film about the political career of Hillary Clinton, and whoa -- moving, terribly dramatic and very insightful The name of the film about Hillary Clinton I believe was entitled 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuit.

And of course, today Hillary Clinton spoke at the Democratic National Convention. And Bill Clinton was there and Hillary spoke, and Bill cheered and applauded during Hillary's speech, he was cheering and applauding, and so was his date.Hillary Clinton's campaign right now, this very minute, is $20 million in debt. Now, when she gets that 3 AM call, it's from a collection agency.

Politics is a dirty business. Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president, and the Republicans are already busy digging up dirt. They found out that once in her lifetime she slept with Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton's been getting in the way of Hillary's campaign. Can you believe that? She's really upset about it, so she's encouraged him to start dating again.

It's true, everybody is in the holiday spirit. Last night, Bill Clinton saw the "Nutcracker." Not the ballet, Hillary.

Hillary Clinton is ending her campaign, but really in the bigger sense it's sad because, think about it, there goes right down the drain the Clinton dream of a being a two-impeachment family.

But don't discount Hillary Clinton, because she's nothing if not shrewd. … Don't ever forget that. Hillary has a back-up plan. First, nothing but superdelegates. Remember when we heard all about the superdelegates? ... Well, now she has another back-up plan to get to the White House. She's going to marry John McCain.

Hillary Clinton, senator from New York, announced she wants to be president. She would be our first female president, if you don't count James Buchanan.

Are you familiar with the Hillary Clinton 3 AM phone call commercial that she's been running? Well, she's got another one of those, and the phone rings at 3 AM, Hillary answers the phone, she picks it up, and she says "Stop bothering me, President Obama!"

Hillary criticized Obama so strongly that at one point he yelled at her. He just said, "Hey, easy, lady, we're not married."

You all excited about the 2008 presidential election? There's some interesting potential matchups. For example, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani. On the one hand, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems. Or, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems.

Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, "Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards."