Hillary Clinton jokes by late-night comedians

Jimmy Kimmel on Hillary Clinton

The Bushes, by the way, aren't the only presidents to have their own china. Truman, Reagan and Clinton all had it, too. Though the Clinton service is missing some plates and I think a soup bowl because of Hillary throwing them at Bill. One time she really nailed him with a gravy boat. So that's missing too. But I'll tell you something, nothing, to me, says recession like spending half a million dollars on dinnerware.

The Obama girls are getting a puppy, Biden is getting a German Shepherd puppy, and Hillary Clinton will do all the spaying and neutering.

Obama appears to have selected an attorney general and it looks like Hillary Clinton might be his secretary of state. Boy, I guess that's good for her, but Hillary went from almost being the president to a secretary. Sounds like somebody needs to watch 'Working Girl' again, because that's not how it's supposed to work.

Hillary Clinton is back in the hunt for the Democratic nomination. She won do-or-die primaries in Ohio, Rhode Island, and Texas last night. A lot of people thought she would be done today, but just like Bill always says, Hillary does not go down without a fight.

There have been charges of foul play from both sides. Obama has accused Clinton of smearing him by implying that he's a Muslim or Muslim-sympathizer, and Clinton has accused Obama and his people of trying to dump a bucket of water on her and make her melt.

Hillary Clinton announced officially she will be running for president. Besides announcing her candidacy on the Internet, she's also selling all her old headbands on Craigslist.

Jon Stewart on Hillary Clinton

In Iowa yesterday, Hillary Clinton was shoring up support a mere year before that state's presidential caucus. She whipped the crowd into a frenzy with her new campaign slogan, "Let The Conversation Begin." This may not be the most politically correct thing to say, but I don't think that slogan's going to help you with men.I think the typical response would be, "Now?" You might as well get on your campaign bus, the "I Think We Really Need To Talk" Express, to unveil your new Iraq policy, "America, Let's Pull Over And Just Ask For Directions."

Seth Meyers on Hillary Clinton

Barack Obama met with Hillary Clinton on Friday to see if she'd be interested in a role in his administration. "Of course" said Hillary, "I'll take President."

On the eve of Tuesday's primary victories, a defiant Hillary Clinton said, "I'm just getting warmed up." Which begs the question, "Hey, Hillary, how are you gonna be ready on Day One if it takes you 31 primaries to get warmed up."

Hillary Clinton on Thursday visited Wellesley College and told students, "This all-women's college prepared me to compete in the all-boys club of presidential politics." Although she said afterwards, it was hard to speak at a school that was so pro-Bush.

Craig Ferguson on Hillary Clinton

Out on the campaign trail, Hillary Clinton hasn’t been mentioning Sarah Palin at all. She’s just talking about John McCain. Not surprising. Hillary’s always been good at ignoring the 'other woman.'

Hillary Clinton's campaign is trying to embarrass Barack Obama. Have you seen this? They have circulated pictures of Obama wearing tribal dress. Obama wanted to strike back, but there are no pictures of Hillary wearing a dress.

Tina Fey on Hillary Clinton

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008. Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

More Hillary Clinton jokes

Hillary in Heaven

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.
"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie." "Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." "Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."


Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi jump out of a seven story building at the same time, who hits the ground first? Who cares.
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