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Farewell to Walker |
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There is a letter circulating on the Internet (such as on www.chucknorris.com), claiming to be a "Farewell to Walker" letter from Chuck Norris to his fans. Clearly, this letter is false.
We have identified the falsehoods in the letter inline below:
We believe the Chuck Norris facts speak for themselves. This letter is clearly false. Please, show your support for Chuck Norris by refusing to spread false letters like this around the internet.
We have identified the falsehoods in the letter inline below:
| Dear Friends [Everyone alive today is friends with Chuck Norris. That is why they are alive today.]: I was lying in bed a couple of months ago [Chuck Norris doesn't lie in bed, simply uses them as a cushion while he holds the earth down.] and I started reflecting back [Chuck Norris doesn't reflect, light is simply too afraid to go anywhere near him.] to my Martial Arts career as a fighter [To Chuck Norris, fighting is not a career, it just something he chooses to to before he kills.]. I remembered back to 1974, when I decided to retire [Chuck Norris spells "retire" R-E-tear-your-head-off-and-leave-you-bleeding-on-the-floor-for-suggesting-that.] after six years as the undefeated World Middleweight Karate Champion [They were going to call it "World Middleweight Karate So-So" until Chuck showed up.]. I thought that I could defend my title again in 1975 [The best offense is not defense, it is Chuck Norris' fist.] at the age of 35 [On his driver's license, Chuck Norris' age is listed as "Immortal."] and win my seventh consecutive year, but then again I could probably lose [Chuck Norris can only lose a fight against Chuck Norris, which means that he will always win.], so I decided to retire as an undefeated champion [When Queen wrote We Are the Champions, they had to license the term "champion of the world" from Chuck Norris]. To this day I am considered one of the top fighters of all time [The phrase "he's a lover not a fighter" refers to Chuck Norris, so long as "love" involves being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.]. If I had fought and lost, that may not have been the case [Bruce Schneier himself cannot compute the odds of Chuck Norris losing a fight]. Then I began thinking about Walker, Texas Ranger [Chuck Norris doesn't think. He puts God in a headlock until the question is answered.]. Fortunately, Walker has been a top rated series [Walker Texas Ranger is rated R for Roundhouse.] for eight years and I thought it could probably have a successful ninth season [The reason we have seasons is because Chuck Norris tilted the earth the last time he leaned against a wall.], but then again maybe not. Anyway that is the reason I am ending Walker, Texas Ranger. I want the series to end as a winner. I know the let down of Walker being over will be very emotionally hard on me [Chuck Norris has two emotions, calm and more calm.], just as it did when I retired as a fighter, but I did not stop doing my Martial Arts when I retired and I will not stop acting when Walker is over. I hope whenever my acting career goes that I will still have your support! As I have always believed, "When one door closes, a bigger one opens." [When one door closes, Chuck Norris kicks open a bigger one.] God Bless you. [When God finishes a prayer, he doesn't say "amen," he says, "thank you, Chuck Norris."] Sincerely your friend, Chuck Norris |
We believe the Chuck Norris facts speak for themselves. This letter is clearly false. Please, show your support for Chuck Norris by refusing to spread false letters like this around the internet.
