Sign in or 
Dick Cheney Jokes |
Version 9 - view current page
Click EasyEdit to add your own Dick Cheney jokes, cartoons, videos and more!
See Also:
Jokes about the Republicans
Jokes about George W. Bush
Jokes about Joe Biden
Political Jokes
Jay Leno on Dick Cheney
Happy birthday to former Vice President Dick Cheney, who is now 68 years old. So you know what that means? He beat the spread.He's really getting tough. Yesterday, President Obama issued an executive order banning gifts from lobbyists, any gifts to anyone serving in his administration. In fact, today they went down and removed the gas pump that Exxon installed in Dick Cheney's office.
This is also Dick Cheney's last full day in office. Actually, he spent the entire day trying to get the price of gas back up to $4 a gallon.
There was a historic meeting in Washington this week. Yesterday, Barack Obama and all the presidents met at the Oval Office. Did you see it? All the living ex-presidents were there. Jimmy Carter, George Bush Sr., Bill Clinton, Dick Cheney. All of them were there.
Hey, did you see this in the paper? In an interview with the Washington Times, Vice President Dick Cheney said he is not a big fan of rap music. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was stunned by that. Actually, I'm surprised. I mean, look at the guy. He gets driven around in a limo, surrounded by bodyguards, shot a guy in the face -- he is a rap star.
Vice President Dick Cheney was treated today for an irregular heartbeat. His doctors aren't sure what caused it. They figured it was either stress or the sudden drop in oil prices.
Actually, doctors shocked his heart back into a normal rhythm after it lost rhythm. Losing rhythm. See, that's when you know you're really, really a white guy. When you lose so much rhythm, you need hospitalization.
David Letterman on Dick Cheney
Man, here's something chilling. Former Vice President Dick Cheney is now warning that there will be another terrorist attack. He got that information by waterboarding himself.
How about that Dick Cheney? He's out of office, but he's still chomping at the bit. You know what I'm talking about? Daschle embarrasses Obama so today Obama gets a call from Cheney, 'Hey, let me waterboard him.'
And anybody who has kids, of course, is nervous about the Obama girls, who have had to change homes and change schools. And it is just crazy. But the good news is the girls love living in the White House. They do have one complaint, though. Sometimes, at midnight, when the moon is full, they can hear the squeaking hinges on Dick Cheney's coffin.
But Dick Cheney, you know, he's in retirement now. But he's not just sitting around, taking it easy, oh, no. He's active. He's got things going on. For example, he booked himself on the show, 'Sneering with the Stars.'
How about that Dick Cheney? He's out of office, but he's still chomping at the bit. You know what I'm talking about? Daschle embarrasses Obama so today Obama gets a call from Cheney, 'Hey, let me waterboard him.'
And anybody who has kids, of course, is nervous about the Obama girls, who have had to change homes and change schools. And it is just crazy. But the good news is the girls love living in the White House. They do have one complaint, though. Sometimes, at midnight, when the moon is full, they can hear the squeaking hinges on Dick Cheney's coffin.
But Dick Cheney, you know, he's in retirement now. But he's not just sitting around, taking it easy, oh, no. He's active. He's got things going on. For example, he booked himself on the show, 'Sneering with the Stars.'
On this date in 2002, President Bush, do you remember this, the axis of evil speech? Do you remember his axis of evil? Do you remember what the axis of evil was? Iran, Iraq, Dick Cheney. That was the axis of evil right there.
But I got to say, so far so good for the Obamas. The family is settled in. There's the President and his wife and the kids and the mother-in-law. And they're settling nicely. The only problem, the only complaint — and they don't want to make trouble — but the only complaint is they can still hear creepy organ music coming from Dick Cheney's dungeon.
But moving out, Dick Cheney hurt his back. Did you hear about this? He was packing up his junk and moving out of his office, and he hurt himself. So apparently, the door did just hit him in the ass on the way out.
Big interview with Dick Cheney over the weekend. Dick Cheney said that he's ... actually lovable. Dick Cheney. Actually loveable. I'm thinking about this. It really does melt your heart when he flashes that winning sneer.
President-elect Barack Obama plans to close Guantanamo, you know, the big holding center, the big prison, the interrogation center in Cuba. He is going to close that down. And Dick Cheney - I thought this was interesting - Dick Cheney said, 'Oh, fine, sure, I'm going to buy it and turn it into a vacation home.'
Bush will leave January 20th. Yes. Will it never get here? Cheney, meanwhile, said, "I'll leave when I damn well feel like it." But that's another story.
Today is the ninth anniversary of my quintuple bypass heart surgery, or as Dick Cheney calls it, 'a routine checkup.'
Anthropologists have found -- and this is crazy -- a well-preserved brain. They believe it's from the Middle Ages. Here's the surprise. They found it in the head of Dick Cheney.
But Dick Cheney said that we made the right decision to go to war in Iraq. And I said to myself, 'Well, that's good enough for me, by God.'
Ladies and gentlemen, I got an update on Vice President Dick Cheney. He was admitted to a hospital earlier today, abnormal heart rhythm. But he's doing fine. He's okay. He's already sitting up, sneering at nurses. And he'll be out shooting hunting buddies again soon.
Conan O'Brien on Dick Cheney
This week, Dick Cheney was interviewed by ABC News, and he said that he will miss being vice president. Then he said, 'And I'll really miss being president.' That was the best part.Jon Stewart on Dick Cheney
Why Are You Such a Dick?
| You Don't Know Dick - Indictments | You Don't Know Dick - Exit Interview |
SNL Dick Cheney Final Interview As VP
