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| Version | User | Scope of changes |
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| Jan 31 2009, 9:13 PM EST (current) | katia2525 | 528 words deleted |
| Jan 31 2009, 11:49 AM EST | katia2525 | 103 words added |
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More Jokes about the Republicans | Jay Leno on the Republicans | Jokes about the Democrats | More David Letterman Jokes
And anybody who has kids, of course, is nervous about the Obama girls, who have had to change homes and change schools. And it is just crazy. But the good news is the girls love living in the White House. They do have one complaint, though. Sometimes, at midnight, when the moon is full, they can hear the squeaking hinges on Dick Cheney's coffin. But Dick Cheney, you know, he's in retirement now. But he's not just sitting around, taking it easy, oh, no. He's active. He's got things going on. For example, he booked himself on the show, 'Sneering with the Stars.' On this date in 2002, President Bush, do you remember this, the axis of evil speech? Do you remember his axis of evil? Do you remember what the axis of evil was? Iran, Iraq, Dick Cheney. That was the axis of evil right there. But I got to say, so far so good for the Obamas. The family is settled in. There's the President and his wife and the kids and the mother-in-law. And they're settling nicely. The only problem, the only complaint — and they don't want to make trouble — but the only complaint is they can still hear creepy organ music coming from Dick Cheney's dungeon. But moving out, Dick Cheney hurt his back. Did you hear about this? He was packing up his junk and moving out of his office, and he hurt himself. So apparently, the door did just hit him in the ass on the way out.By the way, finally some financial good news, good news. The federal deficit will ease up now, because Dick Cheney has to pay for his own health care. Big interview with Dick Cheney over the weekend. Dick Cheney said that he's ... actually lovable. Dick Cheney. Actually loveable. I'm thinking about this. It really does melt your heart when he flashes that winning sneer.President-elect Barack Obama plans to close Guantanamo, you know, the big holding center, the big prison, the interrogation center in Cuba. He is going to close that down. And Dick Cheney - I thought this was interesting - Dick Cheney said, 'Oh, fine, sure, I'm going to buy it and turn it into a vacation home.' Bush will leave January 20th. Yes. Will it never get here? Cheney, meanwhile, said, "I'll leave when I damn well feel like it." But that's another story. Today is the ninth anniversary of my quintuple bypass heart surgery, or as Dick Cheney calls it, 'a routine checkup.'Anthropologists have found -- and this is crazy -- a well-preserved brain. They believe it's from the Middle Ages. Here's the surprise. They found it in the head of Dick Cheney. But Dick Cheney said that we made the right decision to go to war in Iraq. And I said to myself, 'Well, that's good enough for me, by God.'
But Republicans had a bad night all around. I mean, anywhere you look. Even the crooked voting machines in Florida broke down.
Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has been convicted on seven counts of fraud, corruption. And Republicans are relieved, because at least it didn't involve an airport men's room.
But Alaskan authorities were tipped off by Russians, who had been watching with binoculars.
Ladies and gentlemen, I got an update on Vice President Dick Cheney. He was admitted to a hospital earlier today, abnormal heart rhythm. But he's doing fine. He's okay. He's already sitting up, sneering at nurses. And he'll be out shooting hunting buddies again soon.
Not getting tapped as vice president was disappointing for Mitt Romney, but don't worry about Mitt. He's going to continue doing just fine. He will be playing Palmer Courtland on 'All My Children.
Have you been watching the Republican Convention on the TV? Have you been watching it? I want to tell you something, and I made a mistake about this, the Republicans actually have a lot of ethnic diversity. They do. For example, uh, wait a minute, wait a minute, uh, Joe Lieberman?
John McCain lasted five-and-a-half years in a POW camp in North Vietnam; even he couldn't get through Joe Lieberman's speech.
The convention kicked off with a big mixer for Republican delegates in Senator Larry Craig's airport restroom stall. Easy to spot: it was the one with the balloons hanging over it.
And anybody who has kids, of course, is nervous about the Obama girls, who have had to change homes and change schools. And it is just crazy. But the good news is the girls love living in the White House. They do have one complaint, though. Sometimes, at midnight, when the moon is full, they can hear the squeaking hinges on Dick Cheney's coffin. But Dick Cheney, you know, he's in retirement now. But he's not just sitting around, taking it easy, oh, no. He's active. He's got things going on. For example, he booked himself on the show, 'Sneering with the Stars.' On this date in 2002, President Bush, do you remember this, the axis of evil speech? Do you remember his axis of evil? Do you remember what the axis of evil was? Iran, Iraq, Dick Cheney. That was the axis of evil right there. But I got to say, so far so good for the Obamas. The family is settled in. There's the President and his wife and the kids and the mother-in-law. And they're settling nicely. The only problem, the only complaint — and they don't want to make trouble — but the only complaint is they can still hear creepy organ music coming from Dick Cheney's dungeon. But moving out, Dick Cheney hurt his back. Did you hear about this? He was packing up his junk and moving out of his office, and he hurt himself. So apparently, the door did just hit him in the ass on the way out.
But Republicans had a bad night all around. I mean, anywhere you look. Even the crooked voting machines in Florida broke down.
Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has been convicted on seven counts of fraud, corruption. And Republicans are relieved, because at least it didn't involve an airport men's room.
But Alaskan authorities were tipped off by Russians, who had been watching with binoculars.
Ladies and gentlemen, I got an update on Vice President Dick Cheney. He was admitted to a hospital earlier today, abnormal heart rhythm. But he's doing fine. He's okay. He's already sitting up, sneering at nurses. And he'll be out shooting hunting buddies again soon.
Did you hear about this? Turns out now members of the Department of the Interior were having sex with oil company employees. Department of the Interior were having sex with oil companies. I mean, nothing gets my blood racing like a department of the interior sex scandal. You know what I mean? But how about that? Department of the Interior and a sex scandal. The Republicans were calling for more drilling.
Not getting tapped as vice president was disappointing for Mitt Romney, but don't worry about Mitt. He's going to continue doing just fine. He will be playing Palmer Courtland on 'All My Children.
Have you been watching the Republican Convention on the TV? Have you been watching it? I want to tell you something, and I made a mistake about this, the Republicans actually have a lot of ethnic diversity. They do. For example, uh, wait a minute, wait a minute, uh, Joe Lieberman?
John McCain lasted five-and-a-half years in a POW camp in North Vietnam; even he couldn't get through Joe Lieberman's speech.
The convention kicked off with a big mixer for Republican delegates in Senator Larry Craig's airport restroom stall. Easy to spot: it was the one with the balloons hanging over it.
