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But Republicans had a bad night all around. I mean, anywhere you look. Even the crooked voting machines in Florida broke down.

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has been convicted on seven counts of fraud, corruption. And Republicans are relieved, because at least it didn't involve an airport men's room.

But Alaskan authorities were tipped off by Russians, who had been watching with binoculars.


Not getting tapped as vice president was disappointing for Mitt Romney, but don't worry about Mitt. He's going to continue doing just fine. He will be playing Palmer Courtland on 'All My Children.

Have you been watching the Republican Convention on the TV? Have you been watching it? I want to tell you something, and I made a mistake about this, the Republicans actually have a lot of ethnic diversity. They do. For example, uh, wait a minute, wait a minute, uh, Joe Lieberman?

John McCain lasted five-and-a-half years in a POW camp in North Vietnam; even he couldn't get through Joe Lieberman's speech.

The convention kicked off with a big mixer for Republican delegates in Senator Larry Craig's airport restroom stall. Easy to spot: it was the one with the balloons hanging over it.