The election was held Tuesday, and still six and a half percent of Americans are undecided. Can you believe that?

Now that the election is over, people around the world are hoping that America will be less arrogant. Yeah. Ah, who the hell cares what those foreigners think? To heck with them. Lousy foreigners.

Attention passengers, the Straight Talk Express is no longer in service.

Ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama is our new president. And I think I speak for most Americans when I say, anybody mind if he starts a little early?

But I would like to say one thing to Senator John McCain . Listen, senator, you don't show up for me, America doesn't show up for you.

At the end of the evening, the electoral vote count was 349 for Obama, 148 for McCain. Or, as Fox News says, too close to call.

Last night's results mean one thing for John McCain. That is that Sunday's debate will be even more crucial. He's really up against the wall now.

But Republicans had a bad night all around. I mean, anywhere you look. Even the crooked voting machines in Florida broke down.

But right about now Joe the plumber is meeting with his transition team. They're going to help ease him from obscurity back to oblivion.

One good thing did come out of this for Joe the plumber. He's branched out into heating and air conditioning.

How about Sarah Palin, ladies and gentlemen. Right now on her way back to Alaska. And I'm thinking oh, I wouldn't want to be a moose now.

But on the bright side, at least now Tina Fey can spend Saturdays with her family again, so that's a good deal.

Did you see the concession speech last night? John McCain was generous. He was gracious. He was statesman-like. And I was thinking well, he should have tried that earlier.

By the way, his concession speech last night was so effective, so positive that he shot up 4 points in the polls.

During the concession speech, every time that McCain would mention Barack Obama, people booed. Every time he mentioned him he would boo. And finally McCain can't ignore any longer and has to stop the speech and he said all right, that's enough, Hillary.

People all over the world are celebrating Barack Obama’s victory. In fact, Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house.

Today Barack Obama campaigned in Florida and Virginia. And McCain campaigned in two states: panic and desperation.

Sarah Palin is going to celebrate the end of the campaign. She charged one last $1500 blouse to the campaign. So, got that out of the way.

Endorsements are important in a campaign. Even as late as we where now, endorsements are important. And John McCain was endorsed by Dick Cheney. Yeah. So things just keep getting better and better for Barack Obama.

One week to go. One week from today, the election. As a matter of fact, earlier this morning, they, down in Florida, unloaded the crooked voting machines. So they are in midseason form.

Are you excited and tired of the campaign? Excited and tired? One week to go. One week from today is the election. ... We have the elections next week, and then the winner of that election meets Hillary in the finals.

Here's how it works. Election is Tuesday. And then Wednesday is the first day of Sarah Palin's 2012 campaign.