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David Letterman on the Economy |
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" just around the corner. Do you feel like Thanksgiving, folks? You know, it's a time when people can do nice things for others who are less fortunate. I hope you're planning on doing something for people less fortunate. For example, if you get the opportunity, if you have your Thanksgiving dinner, invite a Lehman brother.
I'm no pundit, I'm no expert, but McCain needed Cheney's endorsement like I need more Lehman Brothers stock.
Daylight savings time, change your clocks back. ... If there's one thing we need, it's another hour of 2008. President Bush has already turned the clocks back to 1929.
On this very date in 1929, the stock market plunged 13%. Boy, those were the good old days, huh?
President Bush, I think he said this in his weekly radio address, he said about the economic crisis, President Bush said, "It's a good thing I'm in charge." And I know that's what we're all thinking.
But Bush says he's going to tweak the financial package. He's going to tweak the financial bailout. That's what he's doing now. He's tweaking that financial bailout. That's like the captain of the Titanic tweaking the brunch menu.
Bush is trying to reassure Americans that things are going to get better soon. And I was thinking well sure, in three months he'll be out of office.
A lot of things on sale on Columbus Day. You can get a good deal on a dining room set, mattresses, General Motors.
Are you worried about the economy? Listen to this: the Federal Reserve has lowered the interest rate to 1.5 percent. ... I tell you, I haven't seen interest that low, well, since last night's audience.
And everybody in New York City is worried about the economy, everybody is hurting. The hookers down in Times Square, bless their hearts, listen to this: because of the economy, they now have to work past the retirement age of 65.
Here's another sign the economy is in bad shape: earlier today, Vice President Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Bush administration is taking over the banks. So, hey, crisis over.
I don't know, should we talk about the stock market? Oh my gosh, today, talk about your roller coaster, dropped 800 points. Whoa, so thank you, bailout rescue plan. Thank you very much.
Yeah, the economy is going to hell, but at least we're getting leadership from the White House. That's the important thing, ladies and gentlemen. Thank God for that.
Here's some good news. The bailout plan has been passed. Here's the deal. It went from $700 billion to $800 billion. Now the reason for that, it costs the taxpayers more. If it costs the taxpayers more, the better chance that Congress will vote for it.
The economy is so bad that today, Dick Cheney was waterboarding his stockbroker.
The Senate passed the bailout bill after loading it with pork. And it just doesn't seem right to me to pass a bill like that on Rosh Hashanah.
But anyway, I guess we should be happy the bailout bill passed. 74 yeas, 25 nays, and one 'Fabulous!' from Senator Larry Craig. Fabulous!
Yesterday the stock market suffered its biggest one-day drop in history, falling 777 points. I’m telling you, boy, it's a good thing John McCain blew me off to go save the economy.
I guess you heard the news that the House killed the bailout plan. So Washington failed to act? Oh, I didn’t see that coming. Wow!
Right now the only winner in this economic mess is vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin, who has all her money in pelts.
President Bush now says that the taxpayers could actually make a profit on this deal. Well, that's good enough for me, let's go, come on. And, if you believe that, I have Yankees and Mets World Series tickets.
I was watching the news on television earlier, and George Bush says the economy is in danger. Nothing gets past this guy! Wow! Like a steel trap.
All these world leaders, while they're in New York City over there at the U.N., in their free time they're doing some shopping. The Japanese premiere, for example, earlier today got a great deal on Morgan Stanley.
The economy is in big trouble, but the Bush administration is now running it. So finally some good news.
" just around the corner. Do you feel like Thanksgiving, folks? You know, it's a time when people can do nice things for others who are less fortunate. I hope you're planning on doing something for people less fortunate. For example, if you get the opportunity, if you have your Thanksgiving dinner, invite a Lehman brother.
I'm no pundit, I'm no expert, but McCain needed Cheney's endorsement like I need more Lehman Brothers stock.
Daylight savings time, change your clocks back. ... If there's one thing we need, it's another hour of 2008. President Bush has already turned the clocks back to 1929.
On this very date in 1929, the stock market plunged 13%. Boy, those were the good old days, huh?
President Bush, I think he said this in his weekly radio address, he said about the economic crisis, President Bush said, "It's a good thing I'm in charge." And I know that's what we're all thinking.
But Bush says he's going to tweak the financial package. He's going to tweak the financial bailout. That's what he's doing now. He's tweaking that financial bailout. That's like the captain of the Titanic tweaking the brunch menu.
Bush is trying to reassure Americans that things are going to get better soon. And I was thinking well sure, in three months he'll be out of office.
A lot of things on sale on Columbus Day. You can get a good deal on a dining room set, mattresses, General Motors.
Are you worried about the economy? Listen to this: the Federal Reserve has lowered the interest rate to 1.5 percent. ... I tell you, I haven't seen interest that low, well, since last night's audience.
And everybody in New York City is worried about the economy, everybody is hurting. The hookers down in Times Square, bless their hearts, listen to this: because of the economy, they now have to work past the retirement age of 65.
Here's another sign the economy is in bad shape: earlier today, Vice President Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Bush administration is taking over the banks. So, hey, crisis over.
I don't know, should we talk about the stock market? Oh my gosh, today, talk about your roller coaster, dropped 800 points. Whoa, so thank you, bailout rescue plan. Thank you very much.
Yeah, the economy is going to hell, but at least we're getting leadership from the White House. That's the important thing, ladies and gentlemen. Thank God for that.
Here's some good news. The bailout plan has been passed. Here's the deal. It went from $700 billion to $800 billion. Now the reason for that, it costs the taxpayers more. If it costs the taxpayers more, the better chance that Congress will vote for it.
The economy is so bad that today, Dick Cheney was waterboarding his stockbroker.
The Senate passed the bailout bill after loading it with pork. And it just doesn't seem right to me to pass a bill like that on Rosh Hashanah.
But anyway, I guess we should be happy the bailout bill passed. 74 yeas, 25 nays, and one 'Fabulous!' from Senator Larry Craig. Fabulous!
Yesterday the stock market suffered its biggest one-day drop in history, falling 777 points. I’m telling you, boy, it's a good thing John McCain blew me off to go save the economy.
I guess you heard the news that the House killed the bailout plan. So Washington failed to act? Oh, I didn’t see that coming. Wow!
Right now the only winner in this economic mess is vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin, who has all her money in pelts.
President Bush now says that the taxpayers could actually make a profit on this deal. Well, that's good enough for me, let's go, come on. And, if you believe that, I have Yankees and Mets World Series tickets.
I was watching the news on television earlier, and George Bush says the economy is in danger. Nothing gets past this guy! Wow! Like a steel trap.
All these world leaders, while they're in New York City over there at the U.N., in their free time they're doing some shopping. The Japanese premiere, for example, earlier today got a great deal on Morgan Stanley.
The economy is in big trouble, but the Bush administration is now running it. So finally some good news.
