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Hey, how about that Rod Blagojevich? You know who I am talking about? The former governor of Illinois was on the program Tuesday. He looks like the guy who would sell you retractable awnings. Blagojevich looks like a guy who runs out of bullets and then throws his gun at Superman.

I'm sorry you folks weren't here last night, because you missed a big show. Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was here. You know, it's funny. The audience really liked him, but they impeached me.

But it was fun to have Rod Blagojevich on the program, because for one night, I was not the creepiest guy on the show.

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is on the show tonight, ladies and gentlemen. I hope that thing on his head doesn't bite me.

I like Blagojevich. He looks like your neighbor who never returns the tools. Blagojevich looks like a guy at K-Mart who says, 'The best we can do is store credit.'



Blagojevich was impeached today back there in Springfield. And he spoke in his defense at the impeachment proceedings, spoke for 47 minutes. And it really took its toll on the guy, because afterwards, they had to rush him to the emergency room at Supercuts.

Have you taken a good look at this Rod Blagojevich? I mean, he looks like the producer of an adult entertainment awards show. ... Blagojevich looks like your wife's ex-husband. ... Blagojevich looks like the guy at the high school reunion who knows everything about you and you have no idea who he is. ... Blagojevich looks like the guy that goes to a family barbeque and criticizes how you arrange the charcoal. ... Blagojevich looks like a guy who claims to know Jon Lovitz.

This Blagojevich, I would not give this guy's troubles to a monkey on a rock. It is one headache after another for this Blagojevich. It turns out, next month, his hair goes digital.

Cold everywhere. Listen how cold it is. It is so cold out in Illinois, the state of Illinois impeached Al Roker.

You folks know about this Rod Blagojevich, the governor from Illinois? Well, they're trying to get him out of there because he's a crook. And he was having an impeachment trial, and he said, 'You know what, you kids go and have your little impeachment trial. I'm going to New York City, and I'm going to be on every TV show.' Did you see the guy on TV? He was everywhere. I mean, this guy, he looks like the guy that tells you need new brake pads, you know?

Blagojevich looks like an insurance salesman that keeps calling you 'Captain.' 'Hey, Captain.'

Blagojevich looks like a guy who backs you up with his aftershave. Whoah!

Blagojevich looks like a guy who disappears with your deposit after he takes your contracting contract.

Blagojevich looks like the guy who tries to set you up with his wife."Cold outside. Lousy cold. Here is how cold it was. It was so cold today that Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts screwed up while ordering chowder. It was so cold, that thing on Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's head went into hibernation.

By the way, today, Governor Blagojevich is being impeached. Of course, the state of Illinois is already searching for a new crooked politician to take his place.
Here's how cold it is outside. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was selling seats in his hair.

Is it cold outside? Yeah! Here’s how cold it is. It is so cold in the Midwest, out there in Chicago, Governor Blagojevich had to put the ear flaps down on his hair.

Do you have your tickets for the inauguration down in Washington? I sent in early. I sent the money in. I got my tickets back, lousy seats. You know where they put me? I'm right between Govs. Spitzer and Blagojevich.

We're not kidding about this economy, which is so bad that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich had to mark down the price of a Senate seat 40%.

But did you hear about this guy? Blagojevich is charged with corruption and apparently he was stealing a lot of money, getting a lot of bribes and kickbacks and hiding them in his hair.

But you know what he was doing? Because Barack Obama is the President-elect who used to be one of the senators from Illinois, Blagojevich has got to appoint a senator. So he was calling up people, saying, 'Would you like to be a senator. Well, what's it worth to you?' Well, I just hope to God this doesn't tarnish the fine reputation of Illinois politics.

One guy, he was going to charge 150,000 dollars for the Senate seat, 200,000 dollars for the cup holder.

Here's a great story, because we had some trouble with our governor a couple of months ago, Governor Spitzer. Well, now, the governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, has been arrested. He wanted $150,000 to name somebody to replace senator Barack Obama as the senator from Illinois. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. One count of bribery, also one count of fraud, and also one count of blagojeviching.

Spitzer was a lot more fun and a lot easier to say, too. Yeah, when former New York Governor Elliott Spitzer heard about Governor Blagojevich, he said, 'Hey, you call that a scandal? No, I don't think so. At least when a New York governor goes down, he has some fun on the way. '