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Feb 6 2009, 10:03 AM EST
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Change: Either today or yesterday, Barack Obama said Americans are 'sick and tired' of people 'being rewarded for failure.' Is he talking about me? One percent of Americans participating in this poll believe believe Dick Cheney is
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Jan 31 2009, 10:15 PM EST
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Change: Rod Blagojevich One percent of Americans participating in this poll believe believe Dick Cheney is the best Vice President ever. Everybody else in the poll believes that that one percent should be wearing funny hats. You folks around the country probably know this,
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Dec 29 2008, 7:31 PM EST
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Change: One percent of Americans participating in this poll believe believe Dick Cheney is the best Vice President ever. Everybody else in the poll believes that that one percent should be wearing funny hats. You folks around the country probably know this, but
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Dec 29 2008, 7:17 PM EST
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Change: You folks around the country probably know this, but here in New York City it's freezing cold. It's so cold today that that Bernie Madoff is actually looking forward to burning in hell. Let me just say a word about these
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Dec 10 2008, 2:06 PM EST
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Change: Let me just say a word about these jokes that I am telling right now, ladies and gentlemen. Like President-elect Obama says, 'It's going to get worse before it gets better.'NASA has developed a urine machine that will convert urine
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Nov 28 2008, 1:53 AM EST
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Change: And down in Washington, D.C., the Capitol Hill Christmas tree arrived. And there is no surprise here. You know, they've got to decorate the tree. So the contract to decorate the tree, a $10 billion ornament contract, went to Halliburton. Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is
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Nov 24 2008, 7:17 PM EST
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Change: There were only format changes (bold, italics, etc.) in this version. See this version for details.
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Nov 7 2008, 2:32 PM EST
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Change: The Election Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is apparently ill, rumored to be ill. And he's in the hospital today. And his condition has been downgraded from serious to ugly. But they say Ahmadinejad is exhausted from overwork. And you know, thank God that will never happen to George Bush.Today's
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Oct 29 2008, 3:18 PM EDT
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Change: Pelosi's face. New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.June 1st is the start of the hurricane season. President Bush is already stockpiling excuses. At McDonald's Use EasyEdit to add your favorite Letterman YouTube video.
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Oct 29 2008, 2:04 PM EDT
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Change: Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is apparently ill, rumored to be ill. And he's in the hospital today. And his condition has been downgraded from serious to ugly. But they say Ahmadinejad is exhausted from overwork. And you know, thank God that will never happen to George Bush.Today's Columbus
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Oct 15 2008, 10:35 AM EDT
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Change: The Economy Today's Columbus Day, the day we celebrate Christopher Columbus discovering America, or as it is now known, "a fixer-upper." You know who else is in town at the U.N.? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad,
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Oct 15 2008, 10:27 AM EDT
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Change: Today's Columbus Day, the day we celebrate Christopher Columbus discovering America, or as it is now known, "a fixer-upper." You know who else is in town at the U.N.? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and I
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Oct 6 2008, 6:28 PM EDT
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Change: The Debates You know who else is in town at the U.N.? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and I believe this is his first visit to New York City since his 1970s affair with Barbara Walters. I would like to say a couple
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Sep 26 2008, 4:17 PM EDT
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Change: You know who else is in town at the U.N.? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and I believe this is his first visit to New York City since his 1970s affair with Barbara Walters. I would like to say a couple of words about Ahmadinejad, those words being short and ugly.
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Sep 24 2008, 7:26 PM EDT
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Change: Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad also spoke at the U.N. earlier today. Do you know anything about Ahmadinejad? He is so humorless. I mean, just completely nothing. Absolutely void of humor. So they've asked him to host next year's Emmys. Did you know that? Mahmoud
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Sep 16 2008, 6:23 PM EDT
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Change: And how about Matt Damon? ... Yeah, Matt Damon says he believes that Sarah Palin would be a disaster in the White House. That's what Matt Damon says. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I think I'll wait to hear what Ben Affleck has to say.Are you
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Sep 12 2008, 1:26 PM EDT
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Change: Are you folks following this Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae fiasco? Do you know anything about it? It's horrible, isn't it? I mean horrible and scary. Thank God it's over. Earlier today, earlier today Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae were both adopted by Angelina Jolie.The theme of the
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Sep 10 2008, 11:53 AM EDT
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Change: There were only format changes (bold, italics, etc.) in this version. See this version for details.
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Sep 9 2008, 11:51 AM EDT
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Change: There were only format changes (bold, italics, etc.) in this version. See this version for details.
(Word count: 124)
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Sep 8 2008, 12:18 PM EDT
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Change: George W. Bush The theme of the Democratic Convention is unity. Unfortunately they can't agree on how that works. Yeah, the Democratic Convention is in Denver, and security is tight out there, it is very tight, it's tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face. New York now leads
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(Word count: 124)
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