Some of the smaller elections across the country on Tuesday were very close. The election for mayor in a small town in Minnesota was a tie, so they decided to choose a winner with a coin toss. Unfortunately, the economy is so bad, no one had a coin.

Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, 'Thanks, but you've done enough.'

All the major networks declared Barack Obama the winner at 11 last night, except for MSNBC, which declared Obama the winner six months ago.

Hundreds of thousands of people turned out for Obama’s victory rally in Chicago. But there was an awkward moment when Obama put on a hat that said “proud to be Muslim” and screamed, 'Suckas!'

Barack Obama won the state of Florida, which means that it went from a red state to a blue state. That’s huge, yeah. It’s historic, because it’s the first time something turned blue in Florida and they didn’t have to call a medic.

I saw that in the paper today, there was a kid [who said], 'I still haven't decided who I'm voting for.' Still torn. 18 months was not enough. I'm going to find that guy and beat him to death with his shoe. That's what I'm going to do.

Tonight at midnight in Arizona, this is the latest, John McCain appeared at his final campaign event, which is being called the midnight road to victory. Yeah. Of course, for McCain, the midnight road to victory is the hallway between his bedroom and bathroom.

The Republican party has asked President Bush to stay out of sight until after the election. That's true. They've asked him to stay out of sight until after the election. Yeah. And apparently, Bush has agreed to the strategy, and is appearing weekly on the NBC series 'Kath & Kim.' So, he'll be fine.

In Florida, voting officials turned down a request for a nudist-only voting booth. That's true, yeah. The officials said they were afraid that nudists would pull the wrong lever.

I've noticed a number of athletes are now endorsing candidates in this presidential election. Barack Obama has been endorsed by Patrick Ewing and Charles Barkley, and John McCain's been endorsed by Ty Cobb and Jim Thorpe.

Joe the plumber was supposed to appear at a John McCain rally today, but didn't show up. Yeah. So, apparently, the guy really is a plumber.

A lot of issues going to be decided on election day in John McCain's home state of Arizona. True story. Voters are being asked to decide whether there should be a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Yeah. McCain's even using the issue in an attack ad that says 'Obama-Biden: they share positions together.'

During a speech earlier today, Barack Obama accidentally mixed up his black sitcom characters. He said that Wheezy from 'The Jeffersons' was a character on 'Sanford and Son.' That's true, yeah. And just like that, folks, the election is wide open.

Tough news for John McCain, though. John McCain still trailing in the polls with just a week to go. CNN reported just a few hours ago that the polls in Pennsylvania show little movement for John McCain. At this point, the only way for McCain to show movement involves eating a bowl of Raisin Bran.

Now, this is interesting, Barack Obama is now encouraging his supporters to take election day off so they can help him get out the vote. Yeah. And a lot of Americans said they were already planning to take that day off, because they don't have a job.

Well, political experts say that John McCain’s only chance of winning the presidential election next week is to attract swing voters. Unfortunately, McCain thinks swing voters are people who listen to Glenn Miller.

Time magazine says that the winner of the presidential election in Florida will be determined by voters under the age of 30. In case you're wondering, the Florida voters under 30 are named Kyle and Stacy.

On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Yeah, Nader said, this is really disappointing, I wanted to embarrass myself in all 50 states. That was the plan.