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President Obama still has not gotten used to the White House, apparently. This is true. Today, on his way into the Oval Office, he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. That's true. Yeah. White House employees said at first it made them laugh, then a wave of nostalgia washed over them.

This week, on CNN, they have been showing a blueprint, all week, of the White House to help viewers visualize the layout of the West Wing. Yeah, when he saw it, former President Bush said, 'So that's where the bathroom was.'

This news just came out. When President Bush flew home to Texas last week, they apparently showed a video of his greatest accomplishments during the flight. Yeah, word has it the video got them most of the way through take-off.

President Obama's chief of staff has ordered federal agencies to freeze funding on a lot of projects that President Bush tried to push through in his final days. Yeah, so, for now, the National Scooby-Doo Museum remains a distant dream. That's not happening. Bush heard. He was like, 'Rut roh!'

Officials at the White House say that President Bush completed his last piece of official business in the Oval Office at 6:00 am this morning. Yep. Bush says it should take Obama weeks to find where he hid the dead fish.

President Bush is winding things down. Yep, today was President Bush's last full day in office. He called the leaders of Denmark, Italy, Russia and South Korea to say, 'thank you.' Yeah, his exact words were, 'thank you for being one of the last four countries that will still take my calls.'

In less than 12 hours, Barack Obama will be sworn in as the next President. Yeah. Actually, if I were you -- if I were you, I wouldn't cheer. You'd be surprised how much President Bush can screw up in 12 hours. He just launched an attack on the Bahamas, okay?

Last night, Larry King interviewed President Bush, and Bush told him, 'My favorite color is blue and I love enchiladas.' Unfortunately, Bush was answering the question, 'What was your greatest achievement as President?'

President Bush has been giving Barack Obama a lot of advice. They've had a few meetings and he's giving Obama advice. Yeah. President Bush has told Barack Obama that his biggest challenge will be an enemy attack. Specifically, Bush told Obama to keep your eye on Hillary.

Marvel Comics just announced that President-elect Obama is going to be featured in an upcoming edition of 'Spider-Man.' When he heard about it, President Bush said, 'Okay, now I'm jealous. He gets to meet Spidey.'

Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama talked about the recession. He described the economy as 'very sick.' That's what he said. Yeah. Historians say it was a childish way to describe a complex problem, but still the smartest thing they've heard a president say in eight years.

George Bush Sr. recently said he'd like his son Jeb to be president, but that right now is a bad time for him to run. When asked what a good time would be, Bush Sr. said, 'Eight years ago.'

Earlier today, Barack Obama's daughters started at their new school in Washington, DC. Yeah, their teachers are really impressed and said that both girls are already reading well above President Bush level.

The White House staff has been briefing Barack Obama's team on a series of worst-case scenarios that could face the country after President Bush leaves office. That's the latest. Yeah. Apparently, the absolute worst case scenario is that Bush doesn't leave office.

In a recent interview, President Bush says that he's already begun thinking about his farewell speech. Yeah, which means he's only two years behind most Americans.

In a new interview, Barack Obama says he plans on having a lot of jazz and classical music at the White House. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'I'd better go break the bad news to the Wiggles.'

This week President Bush hosted the annual White House Hanukkah party. Yeah, there was an awkward moment when Bush made a wish and blew out all eight candles.

President Bush is hosting a lunch next month with President-elect Obama and all the former presidents. Isn't that cool? Yeah. Bush said, 'I invited all 43 guys, but only four responded.' He doesn't know what happened.

Speaking of the president, in a recent interview, President Bush said that he has a collection of over 250 autographed baseballs. Yeah. Unfortunately, the question the interviewer asked was, Do you have an exit strategy for Iraq? He just wanted to talk about the baseballs.

President Bush's term is winding down, and all these articles are coming out, very strange articles about him. According to an article that just came out in a fitness magazine ... the president often rides a stationary bike on-board Air Force One. That's true. Advisors say he pedals really hard because he thinks he's powering the plane.

According to an article about President Bush's fitness routine that just came out, during his Presidency, Bush has spent 2,500 hours walking on a treadmill. Yeah. Bush said he only wanted to be on the treadmill for 45 minutes but he couldn't figure out how to turn it off.

This week, the White House sent out a memo listing President Bush's successes and accomplishments. Actually, it's not so much a memo as it is a Post-it note.

This weekend, at a Kennedy Center Awards ceremony, Barbra Streisand kissed President George W. Bush. Yeah. The ultimate liberal kissed President George W. Bush. Yeah. Afterward, Bush said, 'Who was that guy?'

President-elect Barack Obama gave a press conference today. He says he is united with President Bush's administration on doing everything they can to fix the economy. When asked about it, President Bush replied, 'Uh, what he said,' and then went back to packing.

In a speech this morning, Barack Obama said, 'This isn't about big government or small government. It's about building a smarter government.' When he heard this, President Bush said, 'I get it. I get it. I'm leaving.

Yesterday was a nice day. Barack Obama's daughters Malia and Sasha made their first visit to the White House. The girls were excited to see where they'll be living, and President Bush was excited to finally have somebody to play hide-and-seek with.

President Bush is still busy. People act as if President Bush is done now, but he's not. He's still doing things, he's still busy. Yesterday, President Bush awarded -- this is true -- a national Medal of the Arts to Stan Lee, the comic-book artist who created Spiderman. ... Afterwards, Bush said it was the first thing he's done as president that felt right.

People in the publishing industry are starting to speculate that President Bush is gonna write a book after he leaves office. Yeah, and by write, they mean draw.

Big changes, of course, in store for the Obama family. They've been writing about when Barack Obama's daughters, Malia and Sasha, move into the White House, they're gonna have to get used to having a chef cook all their meals. Yeah, the White House chef is furious about the kids. And he said, 'Great, four more years of making Spaghettio's and chicken fingers.'

This is nice. Barack Obama’s daughters he been invited to appear in an episode of the show, 'Hannah Montana.' Isn't that nice? Yeah, President Bush is furious and insists that because he’s still president, he should be invited first.

Earlier today, President Bush was in New York, and he gave a speech about the financial crisis and other major problems facing the country. That's right. The speech was called 'So Long Suckers.'

President Bush is mad at Barack Obama, because Obama leaked details of the private meeting they had yesterday in the Oval Office. Yeah, Bush says, 'What happens in the couch fort stays in the couch fort.'

Historic day at the White House. Earlier today at the White House, you probably saw this, President Bush had a private meeting, in the Oval Office, with President-elect Barack Obama. Ten afterwards, Obama met with Dick Cheney to see how things really work.

Since becoming the president-elect, Barack Obama has been getting the same daily national security briefings that President Bush receives. Except, when they brief Obama, national security advisers are allowed to leave in the scary parts.

Sports Illustrated says Barack Obama is going to install a basketball court at the White House. Isn't that cool? Yeah, yeah. And in order to make room, workers at the White House will have to get rid of President Bush's Slip 'n Slide.

I get this feeling that the country's starting to come together. And actually, it was borne out today in the newspaper. Yesterday, apparently, First Lady Laura Bush called Michelle Obama and invited her and her young daughters to the White House. Isn't that nice? And Laura Bush told Mrs. Obama, 'While I give you a tour, the girls can watch 'Spongebob' with the president.'

Yesterday, in Washington, I don't know if you heard about this, the Secret Service arrested a man who climbed over the White House fence. True story, yeah. Yeah, the Secret Service told the man, 'Get back here, Mr. President. You have two more months.'

Josh Brolin, who plays President Bush in the new movie 'W,' says at first, he wasn't sure he should take the role, because it would be such an acting challenge. That's what he said. Brolin says he prepared for the role by getting up every day, running five miles, and then bashing himself in the head with a hammer.

Speaking of politics, a group linked to Democrats is now being investigated because they've been accused of falsifying voter registration forms, including a form for Mickey Mouse. Yeah, President Bush was furious when he heard this, because he thought Mickey Mouse was a Republican.


A new study has found that the number of illegal immigrants coming into the United States has declined as our economy has faltered. Yeah, when he heard this, President Bush said, 'Do I know how to fix a problem or what?'

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg says he's interested in running for another term, but there's resistance because the law would have to be changed to allow for a third term. Yeah, it's not that people have a big problem with Mike Bloomberg, they just don't want to give President Bush any ideas.

President Bush spoke about the Wall Street bailout yesterday, and he said, this is the quote, 'if the money isn't loosened up, this sucker could go down.' So folks, if we know nothing else at this point, at least we know that President Bush is writing his own speeches.

Earlier tonight, President Bush gave a speech about the Wall Street financial crisis. The title of Bush’s speech was 'Two More Months and It Ain’t My Problem.

Exciting stuff going on over at the United Nations earlier today. President Bush addressed the U.N. General Assembly. Apparently his father couldn't get him out of it.

The economy is in big trouble, but the Bush administration is now running it. So finally some good news.

President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. And today, a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got upset and said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'

Due to the current crisis on Wall Street, President Bush announced just a few hours ago that he's canceled a trip to Alabama. That's true. Yeah, Bush said, 'Under the circumstances, I didn't think it was right to leave the country.'

President Bush is doing his best to respond to the crisis. I love that that gets giggles. That's not even a joke. It's just me discussing what's really going on.

President Bush is keeping busy. Yesterday in Washington, President Bush met with the cast of the Broadway musical, 'The Lion King.' This country is going down the toilet and he's meeting with them. No, he did. He met with the cast of 'The Lion King,' yeah. Yeah, there was an awkward moment when Bush called Simba his favorite African leader.

Yesterday, after the Dow Jones industrial average dropped over 500 points, President Bush chimed in. This is what he said. He said, 'Adjustments in the financial markets can be difficult.' Yeah, then he told the American people to bend over.

This weekend in New York City, gays and lesbians staged a protest, demanding the right to get married. When he heard this, President Bush said, 'Wait a minute, now gays want to marry lesbians?'

Last night, ABC News aired the first televised interview with Sarah Palin. And I don't know if you saw this, but Palin stumbled a bit because she had never heard of the Bush doctrine. Yeah. When he heard this, President Bush said, 'That's okay. I haven't either.'

The MTV 'VMAs' last night were hosted by Russell Brand. He hosted their 'Video Music Awards,' and he referred to President Bush, and this caused a big controversy, as a 'retarded cowboy.' Yeah, of course, everyone knows the correct term is 'special needs cowboy.'

Last night, President Bush addressed the crowd at the Republican Convention via satellite. The first ten minutes of Bush's speech consisted of him saying, 'Wait a minute, how can you can see me when I can't see you?'

Earlier tonight, President Bush appeared at the Republican Convention live via satellite. Or as Bush calls it, 'live via magic.'

The Republican Convention is next week. John McCain's campaign told President Bush that despite his low popularity, he will be allowed to speak at the first night of the convention. He also told Bush that the convention starts in December.

The current issue of Newsweek magazine has a picture of President Bush on the cover with the headline, 'What Bush Got Right.' Yeah, it's true. Newsweek says 'What Bush Got Right' is their shortest cover story since January's issue on famous Korean rabbis.