The only reason the Leaning Tower of Pisa is on its side is because Chuck Norris kicked it. (Timothy Holder made this one.Holder)

When Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and came back, it was named the Islands.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Godzilla, Godzilla's afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Pluto lost its status as a planet when astronomers discovered it was just Chuck Norris' left testicle.

If it tastes like chicken... looks like chicken... feels like chicken... but Chuck Norris says its beef... its beef.

Chuck Norris died a long time ago but the grim reaper didnt have the balls to tell him.

When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris wears a condom inside out so he gets the pleasure.

The Bermuda Tiangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris round housed off one of the corners.

Chuck Norris picked these jokes as his personal favorites:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

There are no steroids in baseball. Only players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger by yelling, "Bang!".

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes! EVER!

In the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records, it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

They once tried to carve Chuck Norris's face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can eat a box of Legos and poop it out as the White House.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Luke Skywalker's lightsaber is one of Chuck Norris's beard hairs.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to breathe air, air has to breathe chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

These are the rest:

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

The original name for the popular video game "Halo" was actually "Chuck Norris Superkicks II: Alien F***-Up Hour".

The US security level has dropped only once in the last 5 years. That was the day Chuck Norris took a day trip to Mexico.

Chuck Norris's biological father is a lion.

Chuck Norris's beard trimmings are used to make steel wool.

Chuck Norris found Nemo.

Luke Skywalker doesn't use the Force, he uses Chuck Norris's exhaled air.

Chuck Norris can breathe in the vacuum of space.

Chuck Norris can stop time just by thinking about pineapples.

If Chuck Norris doesn't like you, how can you like yourself?

Chuck Norris is the reason that the Mona Lisa smiles.

Chuck Norris can tell the exact time of day to the second just by glancing at the sun.

Chuck Norris' facial hair housed 144 hurricane evacuees. It is not as much as the Astrodome but it has its own strip mall, police station, and dojo to practice kickboxing.

Chuck Norris can mix oil and water.

The wind generated by the speed of one Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is enough to blow the clothes off of 37 women.

People like being Mr. Rogers neighbor. Not because they live near Mr. Rogers, but because Chuck Norris is the neighborhood watchman.

Bill Clinton uses Chuck Norris for Sex advice.

While still in the womb, Chuck Norris cut his own umbilical cord because "he didn't need anyone's help".

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

The milkshake doesn't bring Chuck Norris to the yard.

Michael Jackson is only white now because Chuck Norris round-house kicked the black out of him.

Chuck Norris is the reason the kamikaze used helmets.

David Blaine stayed in that glass box for so long just so he could be safe from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris used his bare hands and caught the Road Runner. He then roundhouse kicked Wile E. Coyote for being so incompetent.

Chuck Norris' name is a palindrome.

Chuck Norris puts paparazzi in his protein shakes.

Chuck Norris runs with scissors.

Chuck Norris played the shark in Jaws.

Chuck Norris doesn't put lights on his Christmas tree. He just lights it on fire.

Chuck Norris looked at the ground. The ground, felling threatened, cracked, split apart, and ran away. We know this today as continental drift.

Chuck Norris realized that if you change the "d" in "wand" to a "g", the Harry Potter books become a whole lot more interesting.

In Chuck's earlier years he was able to not only do a roundhouse kick but he could do it with his legs tied to his hands and an asian man glued to his chest.

Though too dangerous to harness, a Chuck Norris roundhouse generates enough energy to power the entire eastern seaboard for almost 18 hours.

The ancient rulers of China built a 4,000 mile wall to keep Chuck Norris out. Chuck Norris went around.

Chuck Norris can pause live TV without using a TiVO. He just tells it to hold still while he gets his roast beef sandwich.

When Chuck Norris claps, the lights always turn on. Even though he doesn't have a Clapper. Chuck Norris doesn't need no stinking Clapper.

The original concept for the show "Survivor" was to put three contestants in a room with Chuck Norris and the last one living won the prize. When they began filming, Chuck Norris killed all three contestants with one roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris knows no limit only because limit is too scared to introduce itself.

Chuck Norris passed the bar exam but decided not to become a lawyer. His reasoning was that the only law people followed rested within his right boot.

Al Gore didn't invent the internet, Chuck Norris did.

The only word in the English language that rhymes with "orange" is "Chuck Norris".

If God had a favorite color it would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris stays tough by having sex with a cactus at least twice a day.

Chuck Norris is so badass that Oreos seperate in the package for him. Chuck Norris only likes the cream.

Chuck Norris remembers the Alamo, and he isn't happy about it.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.

The tide rises when Chuck Norris tells it to.

When Chuck Norris runs he actually stays in the same place and the world spins underneath him.

If you shout his name out your window, Chuck Norris will hear you.

Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Manatees are not affected by terrorism, but they are affected by roundhouse kicks to the head from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats Transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris once dressed up as a wuss for Halloween by wearing loose fitting pants and shaving his beard. Whenever a homeowner would give him Smarties while trick or treating, he would yell, "I loathe Smarties!" and roundhouse kick them in the throat. Chuck Norris's beard grew back by the third house, and this will go down as the most unconvincing Halloween costume in history. Chuck was 38 at the time.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a light on; he's not afraid of the dark, the dark's afraid of him.