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Chuck Norris Jokes 2
More Funny Chuck Norris Jokes...
GOOD CHUCK NORRIS JOKES
chuck norris once impaled a man with a single one of his pubes
nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole exept chuck norris he eats black holes. they taste like chicken
chuck norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him.
bruce lee killed chuck norris in the way of the dragon. to bad he died shortly after.
The titanic didn't sink because of an iceberg, Chuck Norris was just out for a swim.
God's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he understands is the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can beat Halo 3 on Legendary...with a guitar hero controller!
Chuck Norris invented the tooth fairy, as a way to compensate for round house kicking everybody to the face.
Chuck norris once ate a bean supream and farted, the event is now known as the 1st nuclear bomb test.
Chuck Norris was suppose to have a twin brother but he did not survive chucks nine months practice of floating rondhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris has had thousands of lovers, but none of them ever satisfied Chuck Norris. He realized that the only person who could ever satisfy Chuck Norris...was Chuck Norris.
everytime chuck norris has sex he has to fix the hole in the wall the next morning
The continets didn't drift away from each other, they just found out that chuck norris was gunna be on america so they all ran away
chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana
Originally Chuck Norris was to play froto in Lord of the Rings but turned the job down cause only a panzy needs 3 movies to destroy jewlery. Also Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the lead role on the show 24. The producers had to fire him after he killed all of the terrorists in 10 seconds.
Daddy didn't take her T-bird away... Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris is so strong that not only does he hold the whole world in his hands, but he also holds the holds the entire univerise.
There is a little Chuck Norris in everyone. No really. Listen to your inner Chuck Norris and roundhouse kick yourself in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own sh!t because Chuck Norris doesn't take sh!t from anybody
Chuck Norris doesn't THROW UP after a long night of partying...He THROWS DOWN!!!
Once while having sex in a trailer chuck norris's sperm accidentally got into the engine, you might know this trailer as Optimis Prime.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice
Chuck Norris invented the phrase" put a foot in your mouth"
chuck norris has never kicked anyone's ass, but the mear sight of him makes you kick your own ass
When God sneezes, people say Chuck Norris bless you
Chuck Norris knows what Bo doesn't
Do u know how giraffes were born? Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a horse in the neck!
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who never met Chuck Norris!
Who would win the race between Batman and Superman to the moon???Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin islands. Now there just the islands.
Chuck norris destroys whole continents. Ever heard of atlantis? nuff said
Devil didn't go down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal. Chuck Norris came down to hell and told him to get the **** out.
Chuck Norris once went to Wendy's and ordered a Big Mac...and got one.
Google no longer runs searches on Chuck Norris
You dont find chuck norris,
Chuck Norris finds you!
Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking about
Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters, if by 'knit' you mean kick and by 'sweaters' you mean babies :]
-Macy, TN
Osama Bin Laden hates the USA because he is envious that Chuck Norris is there
She had fun fun fun alright... until Chuck Norris showed up.
Chuck Norris poops while standing up!
Someone once challenged Chuck Norris to a duel... that person is now known as Captain Hook.
Chuck Norris once took a very big dump...that dump is known as Mt. Everest (also, the leak he took with it is known as the Pacific Ocean).
The Bible used to be called Chuck Norris and Friends.
According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face...YESTERDAY!!
Chuck Norris counted to infinity...............TWICE!!!
The universe was created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a star in the face for being too bright.
Chuck Norris' sperm is so CRaZy that one time he impregnated a chick and seven months later she gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard in the face that that person was sent through a time rift into another dimension. That person is now known as Satan.
Christopher Reeves was one of the only people to survive an encounter with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
They say tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.
Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.
Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head on her last voyage.
God said "Let there be light" and Chuck Norris said "Say please".
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
There are no bombs, chuck norris just jumps out of a hellicopter and punches the ground.
When Chuck Norris pees, he clogs the toilet.
There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history.
Chuck Norris can say to a waitress, "can i have your number just kidding just kidding," and get it!
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris laughter is the most feared sound on earth because it can only mean that he has killed again.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, may God help you.
| Chuck Norris Jokes 3 | Chuck Norris Jokes 4 | Chuck Norris Jokes 5 |
GOOD CHUCK NORRIS JOKES
chuck norris once impaled a man with a single one of his pubes
nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole exept chuck norris he eats black holes. they taste like chicken
chuck norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him.
bruce lee killed chuck norris in the way of the dragon. to bad he died shortly after.
The titanic didn't sink because of an iceberg, Chuck Norris was just out for a swim.
God's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he understands is the element of surprise.
Go to Google and type in "Find Chuck Norris" Then Click "I'm Feeling Lucky"
When people die, they go to hell. When hell dies, it goes to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Mr. T, Arnold Shcwarzzenger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Chuck Norris and say "Why should you sit beside me?" Chuck quickly proceeds to roundhouse kick God in the face and say "*****, your in my seat.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Mr. T, Arnold Shcwarzzenger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Chuck Norris and say "Why should you sit beside me?" Chuck quickly proceeds to roundhouse kick God in the face and say "*****, your in my seat.
Chuck Norris can beat Halo 3 on Legendary...with a guitar hero controller!
Chuck norris once ate a bean supream and farted, the event is now known as the 1st nuclear bomb test.
Chuck Norris was suppose to have a twin brother but he did not survive chucks nine months practice of floating rondhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris has had thousands of lovers, but none of them ever satisfied Chuck Norris. He realized that the only person who could ever satisfy Chuck Norris...was Chuck Norris.
everytime chuck norris has sex he has to fix the hole in the wall the next morning
The continets didn't drift away from each other, they just found out that chuck norris was gunna be on america so they all ran away
chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana
Originally Chuck Norris was to play froto in Lord of the Rings but turned the job down cause only a panzy needs 3 movies to destroy jewlery. Also Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the lead role on the show 24. The producers had to fire him after he killed all of the terrorists in 10 seconds.
Daddy didn't take her T-bird away... Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris is so strong that not only does he hold the whole world in his hands, but he also holds the holds the entire univerise.
There is a little Chuck Norris in everyone. No really. Listen to your inner Chuck Norris and roundhouse kick yourself in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own sh!t because Chuck Norris doesn't take sh!t from anybody
Chuck Norris doesn't THROW UP after a long night of partying...He THROWS DOWN!!!
Once while having sex in a trailer chuck norris's sperm accidentally got into the engine, you might know this trailer as Optimis Prime.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice
Chuck Norris invented the phrase" put a foot in your mouth"
chuck norris has never kicked anyone's ass, but the mear sight of him makes you kick your own ass
When God sneezes, people say Chuck Norris bless you
Chuck Norris knows what Bo doesn't
Do u know how giraffes were born? Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a horse in the neck!
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who never met Chuck Norris!
Who would win the race between Batman and Superman to the moon???Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris has 2 speeds...Walk and Kill.
AIDS was specifically designed to kill chuck norris. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin islands. Now there just the islands.
Chuck norris destroys whole continents. Ever heard of atlantis? nuff said
Devil didn't go down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal. Chuck Norris came down to hell and told him to get the **** out.
Chuck Norris once went to Wendy's and ordered a Big Mac...and got one.
Google no longer runs searches on Chuck Norris
You dont find chuck norris,
Chuck Norris finds you!
Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking about
Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters, if by 'knit' you mean kick and by 'sweaters' you mean babies :]
-Macy, TN
Chuck Norris is the real reason Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race.
She had fun fun fun alright... until Chuck Norris showed up.
Chuck Norris poops while standing up!
Someone once challenged Chuck Norris to a duel... that person is now known as Captain Hook.
Chuck Norris once took a very big dump...that dump is known as Mt. Everest (also, the leak he took with it is known as the Pacific Ocean).
The Bible used to be called Chuck Norris and Friends.
According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face...YESTERDAY!!
Chuck Norris counted to infinity...............TWICE!!!
The universe was created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a star in the face for being too bright.
Chuck Norris' sperm is so CRaZy that one time he impregnated a chick and seven months later she gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard in the face that that person was sent through a time rift into another dimension. That person is now known as Satan.
Christopher Reeves was one of the only people to survive an encounter with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
They say tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.
Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.
Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head on her last voyage.
God said "Let there be light" and Chuck Norris said "Say please".
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
There are no bombs, chuck norris just jumps out of a hellicopter and punches the ground.
When Chuck Norris pees, he clogs the toilet.
There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history.
Chuck Norris can say to a waitress, "can i have your number just kidding just kidding," and get it!
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
When Chuck Norris wants barbecue for lunch, he finds a pig and just looks at it. When the pig looks back at Chuck Norris, it instantly turns into a barbecue sandwich with colslaw and hushpuppies.
If Chuck Norris wants to go on the internet, he just stares at the monitor and keyboard. Then the computer and monitor will come on all bythemselves and the keyboard automatically types what Chuck Norris is thinking.
Chuck Norris laughter is the most feared sound on earth because it can only mean that he has killed again.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, may God help you.
|
Bonescar |
Latest page update: made by Bonescar
, Oct 1 2009, 6:58 PM EDT
(about this update
About This Update
Edited by Bonescar
8 words added 2 words deleted view changes - complete history) |
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Keyword tags:
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris Jokes
funny chuck norris jokes
good chuck norris jokes
the best chuck norris jokes
More Info: links to this page
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| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | ||
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| PowHaHa | Fact: History Change Chuck Norris | 1 | Oct 3 2009, 7:08 PM EDT by chucksucks | ||
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Thread started: Jul 6 2009, 10:38 PM EDT
Watch
Meteors didn't kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris did. The reason its not in the history book is because nothing survived to tell for all we know he could have ate those bones and spit them out his ass as ashes.
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| AndreKanaan | Death Stare | 0 | May 27 2009, 9:05 AM EDT by AndreKanaan | ||
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Thread started: May 27 2009, 9:05 AM EDT
Watch
You cant fight Chuck Norris cause his death stare will kill you
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| mr.chucknorris | black holes | 0 | Apr 12 2009, 7:56 AM EDT by mr.chucknorris | ||
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Thread started: Apr 12 2009, 7:56 AM EDT
Watch
true fact when chuck norris roundhouse kicks a blackhole everything comes out...
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