L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only ******* serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait. I'm also a douche bag.

I was raised half Jewish and half Catholic. When I'd go to confession, I'd say "Bless me, father, for I have sinned -- and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen." dsfljkljgkwsdjjklksdjlgsldkjglskdjglksjdg

They added up all the people in this country who sdlkfjdslijgpoiwjtoeijgfssafconsider themselves a minority and it added up to more than the population of the country.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we asifjasifjasfjaklsfjaklsfjstart getting better taste in them.

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, "You knowlksajflkjaslkfjlaslajf what? Let's just grab lunch."

I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think he’s great. Because I'm a piece of ****.
Psychiatrists are no help. What do they tell you? "Well, we'll have to get back into your childhood to find the trauma." Who can't find the trauma in childhood? I'm two feet tall. I don't know what the f**k is going on. Everybody can beat me up. Gee, doc, you're a genius to find trauma there.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is for fags.
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week,
which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

I'm a self concious *******.