When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don't know. I never had one."

Jimmy Kimmel on Bill Clinton

The big rumor yesterday was that Barack Obama would select Hillary Clinton to be his secretary of state. Now it seems like that might not be the case and there are a lot of theories as to why. But maybe the best indicator that she might not take the job, apparently this morning, Bill took down his e-Harmony page.

For those that don't follow politics closely, the secretary of state is the person who travels all over the world, meeting with foreign leaders for weeks and sometimes months at a time with long stretches of being away from his or her husband, but that's just a sacrifice Bill isn't willing to make. It's almost as if he told Obama, 'Listen, I'll campaign for you, I'll raise money, just get her the hell out of here, as far away as possible.'

President-elect Barack Obama is hard at work selecting a cabinet. And the big rumor today is he might name Hillary Clinton secretary of state. That would be something -- finally a secretary Bill doesn't want to sleep with.

David Letterman on Bill Clinton

You know it's interesting, when Bill Clinton needed stimulus for his package, he just called an intern.

But congratulations to Hillary Clinton, our new secretary of state, who was sworn in holding the Clinton family Bible. And it's a special edition, because Bill had removed four Commandments.

Here's a statistic I learned while watching the inauguration — the White House has 16 bedrooms. And the only president to use each and every one of them was Bill Clinton.

The White House also has three kitchens and the only president to use each and every one of them was Bill Clinton.

But the White House dog has to be sociable, has to be friendly, has to be trainable. And yes, those are the same qualities President Clinton looked for in an intern.

You know for each inauguration, the President adds his own little touches, his own signature note to the proceedings. For example, maybe you don't remember this but for the first Clinton inauguration, ladies drank free.

George Bush picked up the check. Bill Clinton picked up the waitress.

Tomorrow, President Bush is hosting a White House lunch for President-elect Barack Obama, former President Jimmy Carter and former President Bill Clinton. So that's like an historic luncheon. It will be Barack Obama, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. At least that's what Bill is telling Hillary.

Bill and Hillary Clinton helped drop the ball in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. But it was frigid. It was bitter cold, it was icy. And that’s just their marriage, ladies and gentlemen.

Now here’s something historical. In January, all five living presidents are scheduled to have lunch together. Clinton suggested the VIP room at Hooters.

But Obama says [of his addiction to smoking cigarettes] that sometimes the urge is so strong he really can't control himself and he just has to have one. And he — no, wait, that was President Clinton. That's a different deal.

Everybody is excited about this, like a rock-and-roll star this Barack Obama. And remember at the convention or something and he did that thing with his wife, the fist-bump? And so now is, like, doing the fist-bump. And don't confuse that fist-bump with the last Democratic president's trademark. That was the intern-bump.

The last one to be leashed and neutered in the White House was Bill Clinton in his second term.

Barack Obama has chosen Rahm Emanuel to be his chief of staff. Obama is also bringing in Madeleine Albright to be part of the transition team. So now, it looks like what Barack Obama is doing, he's just bringing back all our favorites from the Clinton Administration, you know, except for that heavyset intern.

How about this, talk about historic gatherings. I guess it was in New York sometime this week, Bill Clinton yesterday, as a matter of fact, and Barack Obama sat down and had lunch in New York City. And it went very well. Everything was fine. As a matter of fact, we know that Bill Clinton picked up the check. And the waitress.

Now, here's something exciting. This is a hot insider political gossip. Tomorrow, as a matter of fact, former president Bill Clinton, he's going to be having lunch right here in New York City with Barack Obama. That's tomorrow. At least, that is what Bill is telling Hillary.

But, you know, when Sarah Palin and John McCain make an appearance together, there's always a brief hug, just kind of a brief hug. No kissing. So whenever you see them, like on stage some place or getting on or off a plane or whatever on TV, a brief hug, no kissing. ... It's just like Bill and Hillary.

And they say that Barack Obama now is a little down in the polls. Now this is a surprise, because after they announced the vice presidential candidate, they were hoping to get that Joe Biden bounce. Now don't confuse that Joe Biden bounce with a Bill Clinton bounce -- that'll get you impeached.

And then earlier tonight, her husband Bill Clinton spoke at the convention, and what a great speech, what a tremendous speech. He got four standing ovations and five phone numbers.

And of course, today Hillary Clinton spoke at the Democratic National Convention. And Bill Clinton was there and Hillary spoke, and Bill cheered and applauded during Hillary's speech, he was cheering and applauding, and so was his date.

Bill Maher on Bill Clinton

The big political scuttlebutt now is that Obama apparently is asking Hillary Clinton to be secretary of state. A grueling job that would take her all over the world, constantly away from home. Bill Clinton said 'Go for it!'

And Obama yesterday had lunch with Bill Clinton, 'cause if there's one guy who knows a thing or two about pigs and lipstick, it's him.

Amy Poehler on Bill Clinton

While campaigning for Barack Obama this week, Hillary Clinton said that the Democrats have a new slogan, "Jobs, baby, jobs." While Bill Clinton is sticking with his slogan, "Please, baby, please."

More Bill Clinton jokes

Hilary clinton is giving a speech to the american public with bill clinton at her side.

hilary: now bill i don't want you embarassing me again
bill:alright Hilary i won't do it again
hilary: now my people, i do Know the job i'm running for is big
bill:BIG
hilary: and i know that the economy has taken a big blow
bill:BLOW
hilary: and i'm sure you know that i'm just the person for the job
bill:JOB
hilary: big blow job? what the f**k bill